ATTN: Toilet Abuser...Public Bathroom No-No's

Dear Toilet Abuser,

Being that we had to have a discussion just yesterday, I am a little disappointed that we are having to address toilet etiquette again today. Seeing as how the offense is not the same, I will let you get by with a warning. A stern warning.

When in a public place, please avoid the public restrooms unless it is an extreme emergency. You should already be aware that I detest public bathrooms. (Reference-Things I Hate: Public Restroom Edition ).

In the event of an emergency, the following rules apply.

Never touch anything in the public restroom.

Never say " I don't touch anything, Mama!", and then proceed to wipe drops of an unknown liquid substance...... (Oh Dear God in Heaven....PLEASE....PLEASE ......let that have been water overspray from the auto flush toilet!)....... off of the toilet seat. With your fingers. *shudder*

It is totally unacceptable to announce to the entire bathroom that your mother is going #2.

While I understand that you are accustomed to my assistance with wiping for yourself, I am not in need of the same assistance. Please do not grab a wad of toilet paper and attempt to wipe my rear.

Do NOT open the door to the stall until my pants are up zipped and buttoned. I will let you know when I am ready.

All other rules and regulations mentioned in other Toilet Abuser Memos still apply.

Signed,

Really Annoyed with Bad Bathroom Habits (A.K.A- your Mom)