Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me Monday! This is the place where we do NOT let it all hang out! Visit MckMama to see what she has NOT been up to!

Last night, Ava did NOT scream, "EDEN POOPED IN THE TUB!"

Eden did NOT yell back, " Na-AH! THAT WAS AVA!"

I did NOT have to clean said poop out of the tub. All of my children are toilet trained, and none of them would be so disgusting as to poop in the bathtub. In the same water that they are sitting in. And sharing with their sister. No one did NOT confess to this heinous offense. My children always admit their faults and ask for forgiveness.

We are NOT in the midst of a very unorganized and disconcerting move. Our current landlord has NOT begun to move in on top of us, with their things piled to the ceiling in our dining room and guest room. My dining room furniture and piano are NOT currently in the middle of my kitchen. The guest room furniture is NOT in the living room. There are NOT boxes everywhere. I am NOT actually going insane. We were NOT told that our new house would not be available for two more weeks. Our landlord does NOT expect to move in this weekend. This is NOT a disaster.

I am NOT in a cooking slump. I have NOT eaten at every fast food restaurant in our general vicinity in the last week. I did NOT set out a pork tenderloin, fully intent on preparing a great meal tonight, only to get a sudden craving for Logan's, and decide to go out at the last minute. I am very disciplined, and always stick to my menu plan. Last minute dining out is NOT a regular part of our routine.

My car is in pristine condition. I am NOT embarrassed at all when teachers open the doors in the pick up line..... and trash falls out. There is NOT trash in my car, therefore it is NOT even possible for trash to fall out. I do NOT think to myself.....everytime I get in the car, "when I get home, we are cleaning this car OUT!" I do NOT put it off another day each and every time we get home. We did NOT have a friend in the car the other day. Lane did NOT tell this friend that if he got hungry, there was an old chicken nugget under the seat. My child would NEVER knowlingly leave a chicken nugget under the seat of the car.

Not My Child Monday: Principal's Office, Styrofoam Shreds, and Pickled Quail Eggs

It was NOT my oldest child that found himself in the Principal's office today. He was NOT so disruptive outside in the pickup line that he was sent in to the Principal. The Principal did NOT have to escort him to my vehicle so that she could inform me of the situation. He is NOT in big, big trouble. (I actually did NOT say, "Just you wait until your Father gets home!"....which is NOT something I swore I would never say.)

It was NOT my middle child who shoved her 3 year old sister down to the ground for "saying something mean"; that "something mean" has NOT remained a mystery. We all know how vicious 3 year old's speech can be! It was NOT this same middle child that threw an absolute temper fit when asked to go to a time out period for shoving her sister. She did NOT scream "NO!" at me repeatedly all the way down the stairs. This has NOT been an ongoing issue since birth.....or whenever she learned the word "NO!".

My youngest child did NOT make off with a sheet of styrofoam (from the box of a desk that I was upstairs attempting to put together. Does anyone else feel that ready-to-assemble furniture should have the assembly directions/diagram on the outside of the box, so that you can see what you are getting yourself into....before you are actually into it? At the very least...a difficulty level. Come ON!), take it downstairs...where I thought she was looking at her book and playing with her princess figurines.....and rip it into 5 bazillion little pieces. Did you know that it is literally impossible to vacuum and/or sweep styrofoam particles?

Lane is NOT constantly beggin me to eat the pickled quail eggs that my in laws brought as a gift for their visit. It is NOT sitting unopened on the counter. It will NOT probably hit the trash unopened. I do NOT gag at the mere sight of the jar. It does NOT remind me of a jar full of eyeballs. He did NOT point out to my in-laws that the house next door to ours was for sale...and I did NOT have a mild heart attack.

Ava did NOT recently engage in a number of public bathroom infractions....and she most certainly did NOT walk into the stall and wipe an unknown liquid substance from the seat with her fingers. I do NOT have a major loathing of public bathrooms, and I do NOT avoid them at all costs.

Ava did NOT get another sheet of styrofoam out of the trash and obliterate it....for the second time TODAY.....while I sat here writing this post. I am always observant, and know what each of my kids is doing at ALL times. I have eyes ALL OVER my head!

Visit MckMama to see what other angelic children have NOT been doing. I have to go clean up the styrofoam mess that my daughter did NOT just make. Again.

Not My Child! Monday

Lane did NOT do a disappearing act at church this week. It did NOT take over an hour to find him, because none of the other kids knew where he was, and he wasn't where he was supposed to be. I was NOT about to call the police when I found him, and I was NOT instantly relieved, followed immediately by a fury that made me want to first hug him, and then beat him within an inch of his life. Instead, I did NOT take away all video games and TV for the day. And he did NOT sulk because of it.

Eden did NOT put all of her newly laundered, folded clothes into the dirty clothes hamper so that she wouldn't have to put them away. We take our laundry seriously in this house. Remember, I AM the laundry aficionado, and she comes by her laundry affinity honestly.

Ava did NOT barge into my bathroom while I was on the toilet, and attempt to pull me off, stating emphatically "IT"S MY TURN! GET UP!"

She also did NOT see some people of Asian descent in Target this week, and yell out "CHINESE!" and point at them.

Lane and Eden did NOT manage to go to day camp at their school today without their hair brushed.

When Lane asked me if he could play a video game this week, I did NOT ask a question of him in return. I did NOT ask if he had brushed his teeth at all that day. He did NOT tuck his head down in shame, and say "no". It was NOT 4:00 pm.

Eden, at nearly 8 years old, does NOT still suck on her finger. I did NOT decide yesterday that enough was enough, and go to the store in search of thumb-sucking deterrent. She did NOT throw a tantrum when it was time to put it on her finger, and my husband did NOT have to hold her down while I brushed it on. I did NOT say to her that it was only fitting that she was behaving like such a baby, since only babies sucked on their fingers anyway.

Ava did NOT learn how to give a wet willie this week. She did NOT decide that since she couldn't get her yucky finger in mine or Eden's ear, to give herself the wet willie.

My kids are NOT hilarious, and they do NOT get mad when I laugh at them.

Head on over to MckMama's for this special edition of Not Me! Monday, and see what everyone else's kids have NOT been doing this week.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This morning, I am NOT embarrassed to take Lane and his filthy, nasty, smelly cast to the doctor. I know that the doctor does NOT see such filth on a daily basis, and thus is NOT phased by it. ( I, on the other hand, REALLY am phased by it, because....it's disgusting. He is a 9 year old boy, in 100 degree weather, with a cast up to his armpit. Do the math...(or...science???? I am NOT sure what that would be classified as...))

I was NOT tempted to pour baking soda, or baby powder, or foot deodorant, or ANYTHING that might reduce the smell into...said cast.

I did NOT wake up this morning to realize that, yet again, I had forgotten to switch the laundry into the dryer. My laundry is NEVER sour!!! I am a laundry aficionado. No one EVER runs out of socks or underwear in this house. Really. Or...not really. I'm confused....

I did NOT forget that my daughter threw up in her carseat at the beginning of our 7 hour road trip home. I did NOT forget to launder her carseat (like I said...LAUNDRY AFICIONADO!!!). My car did NOT remain in the driveway unused for several days, after which, I did NOT discover that vomit that has been in the scorching hot car......smells a little like Lane's cast.
This carseat is NOT still in my car, in its vomit-covered form.

I did NOT get so upset with my kids this week (for their NEVERENDING public restroom "needs") that I put things back on the shelf and walked out of a store, taking them straight home. I am always attentive to my kids needs. And my kids would NOT lie about needing to go potty in order to provide a distraction. Ahem.

Finally, I am NOT writing this post while I should be blow-drying my hair and getting my kids ready for the doctor's appointment.

Not Me! Monday

Last Monday, when Lane realized the full extent of his injury, and continually expressed the sentiment, "my summer is ruined", over and over, I did NOT silently agree, that " Yes, Your summer is ruined, MY summer is ruined, Everyone's summer is ruined!!!". I did NOT see my summer-sitting-poolside flash before my very eyes. I would never be that selfish!

I most certainly did NOT proceed to take place in a pity party, in the form of totally boycotting the laundry. And then I absolutely did NOT wash only my husband's clothes, in the hopes that maybe he wouldn't notice the mountain of laundry that had sprouted. I also did NOT have to wash the same load of clothes three times because I was either too forgetful or too lazy to put them into the dryer.

I would NEVER make my kids wait until 2:00 pm to eat lunch, so that we could go to Sonic and get half-priced drinks.

When Lane and his broken arm came tumbling down the stairs, I did NOT THINK every four letter word I have ever heard.

I did NOT eat Kit Kats and drink Diet Coke for breakfast today.

I did NOT justify staying home from the gym this morning because I really needed to stay home and do the laundry, only to spend the majority of the morning on the computer.

When Ava was misbehaving in public, I did NOT whisper in her ear that I was going to spank her butt, to which she did NOT reply (in a volume designated for movie theater sound commercials) "Don't spank my butt! Kiss My face!!(pause) IIIIIIII HAAAAAAPPPPPPPPYYYY!!!". I did NOT start laughing uncontrollably. I do NOT consistently have problems disciplining this child because she does NOT always know how to make me laugh.

This has been Not Me! Monday, courtesy of MckMama.