The Daily Drama

ATTN: Toilet Abuser

2009-11-24T06:51:00.000-08:00

Dear Toilet Abuser,

The purpose of the these memos is to teach proper toilet etiquette. Therefore, I must insist that you may NEVER, NEVER , NEVER place a piece of used toilet paper in a box to give as a gift. This does not send a good message to the recipient of such a gift. Along those lines, it is equally inappropriate for you to tell the recipient of such a gift that they may not put it in the toilet, tear it, or flush it. That is, indeed, the only proper way to handle used toilet paper. While I know that your grandmother does appreciate your artwork, used toilet paper does not fall under that category. Let's stick with computer paper and markers.

In addition, please make sure that you are hitting the toilet, and not the floor when you are using the bathroom.

In this establishment, we flush every time the toilet is used. This is not negotiable. Your skills in this area have been lacking to say the least.

The bathtub is NOT an acceptable alternate to the toilet.

The sink is NOT an acceptable alternate to the toilet.

All previous rules, regulations, and memos STILL apply.

Thank you,

Your Mother

Lane-sanity

2009-11-20T06:37:00.000-08:00

On the way to school this morning, Lane says, " I actually woke up at 5:22 this morning, but I layed back down til 6:15 to get some more rest...so I won't be dainty today."

As I stifled the giggles, I asked, "Lane, do you know what dainty means?"

His reply, "Yes. It means fragile."

OK, then.

The DMV: Every Bit as Exciting as I Dreamed!

2009-11-18T14:06:00.000-08:00

We arrived at the Department of Motor Vehicles, took a number, and sat down to wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.

My number was called. I procured my 15 (or 5) documents. The lady asked, " Don't you have an updated Social Security Card?"

Well, no, I don't. I'm sure that much is obvious, what with the crinkled, dirty edges, and third-grade signature.

What I did have was the following:

Driver's License
Marriage License
Birth Certificate
Social Security Card (ya know, the dirty, old one)
Lease

She said that she would be unable to process my driver's license without an updated Social Security Card.

So, I have been able to obtain a FL driver's license, 2 mortgages....(and the mortgage company even collected the results of my last pap smear!....ok they didn't, but you know it is a rigorous procedure, including thorough credit reports...which, last time I checked, was done with your social security number!), numerous car loans, insurances, phone services, and utilities. I have completed tax returns for the last 9 years, all with no problems.....and no one has ever requested an updated social security card. Until today.

So, off to the Social Security Administration. And I waited. And waited. And waited.Once I got up to the window, it only took a few minutes. But, it won't be fully processed until midnight. (And I still don't have an updated card. Just a receipt saying that one has been requested.)

I have to go back to the DMV tomorrow. Curses!!

I am so dreading the picture! Why can't they take 6, like a portait studio, and let you pick your favorite?

I told my husband that my name has been officially changed. He was thrilled!! His exact words?

"Oh, good! Now I don't have to feel guilty about last night!"

Romance at its finest!

Curse You, DMV!!!

2009-11-18T07:42:00.001-08:00

Ah, The Department of Motor Vehicles! What a delightful place!!!! Uh, NOT!

Today, I am off to the DMV for the second day in a row. Apparently, if you are trying to get an out-of-state license transferred to an in-state license, you need a LONG list of documentation, $28.50 in cash (Cash ??....SERIOUSLY! Why can't the government get with the times???? CASH?! At least make it in an amount that can be easily withdrawn from a ATM! )

There are three separate departments of our particular DMV, and yesterday, I managed to visit them ALL, before I was finally pointed in the right direction. An out-of-state license transfer has to be seen by the state examiner. So I get to wait with 16 year old's who are actually taking driving tests. I waited for nearly an hour yesterday and they called one number. There were 10 people ahead of me. The license renewal station had no wait. Seriously. All you have to do is look at my 15 documents, and take my picture. WHY do I need to wait while teenagers take their driving test?!

I forgot to mention that my license is now expired. I really hope I don't have to take a driving test with the 16 year olds. How ridiculous! I have been driving for 15 years without incident. I would think that the DMV could check their records and see that I have been driving for that long...without incident. But, if I have to wait with the 16 year olds, my mind is making me think that I may have to test with the 16 year olds.

I can see it now......

"OK kids, buckle up! Mommy has to take a driving test!"

Kid 1: "Why Mommy?"
Kid 3: "Who is that man in our car?"
Kid 2: "He smells funny."
Kid1: "Does not!"
Kid 2: DOES TOO!"

Me: "Guys, be nice."

Kid 1: "She's not being nice!"
Kid 2: " YES HUH! You are being a stink head!"
Kid 1: " I thought you said that MAN was the stink head!"

(Meanwhile Kid 3 starts throwing a tantrum, because Kid 3 cannot ride or 30 seconds in the car without the DVD player on.)

I slam on brakes in the middle of an intersection, and begin reaming my children out:

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!! SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTT UUUUPPPP!!! SO HELP ME GOD, I WILL STOP THIS CAR RIGHT NOW AND WEAR YOUR BUTTS OUT! YOU ARE EMBARRASSING ME IN FRONT OF THIS NICE MAN!! YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO BEHAVE LIKE THIS!!!"

I can see the headline now!

Crazed Driver Stops in a Busy Intersection; Terrified Driving Examiner Runs in Fear
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow! I really, REALLY am hoping that it is just paperwork. REALLY.

Gotta love government agencies!

Back to Semi-Normal....If There Is Such A Thing

2009-11-16T10:02:00.000-08:00

After a much longer-than-expected hiatus, my life has FINALLY returned to a semi normal state. I think we are all pretty much aware that there is no such thing as normal...but I am not surrounded by boxes, and we have the basic neccessities: housing, food, water, and internet. What more could a girl ask for?! (Maybe a little less drama.....)

Anyhow, I didn't get to fill you guys in on the MAJOR moving drama. Our original move date was October 10th. So, like the good little organized housewife I am, I packed up the whole house, minus enough clothing for a week and our kitchen. The date got pushed back to the 15th. And then the 24th. And then the 27th. And then the 31st. After that, there was NO MORE wiggle room. We had to be out on the 31st. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. So, ya know, when I got the phone call on the evening of the 28th that we were being pushed back again...I went into panic mode. We spent all day Thursday looking for a new place. Friday we were loading our truck not knowing if we had actualy gotten the place we applied for. Yes, loading the Uhaul with no where to go!!! And then, when the property manager called me that afternoon to tell me that we got the place and could come sign the lease, I was relieved. And then I remembered that I hadn't packed the kitchen. As we were leaving to go sign the lease, the landlord (of the house we were moving out of) showed up to help. So, while we were gone, she packed my kitchen. Unorthodox?? Yes! But it got done.

The landlord of the house that fell through was a major source of drama, as she spent our deposit, so she split it, and post dated more than half of it. We were ok financially, thank goodness, but the principle of the matter sent me over the edge. She took a sizeable deposit from us, did not hold up her end of the deal, and spent it. I was FURIOUS!!! She didnt even tell me. Just sent me a post dated check and a letter. Rude!!

I am finally out of boxes. 5 weeks is a LONG time to live out of boxes.

Speaking of boxes, our family packed up three shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child. This is a great ministry that sends shoeboxes full of goodies to needy children all over the world. Lane wrote the following letter to go in his box:

Merry Christmas!
I am glad you are getting stuff for Christmas. We are so happy that now you aren't poor anymore. Maybe now you can get smart, and not be poor.

(Insert picture of a reindeer sniffing Santa's rear. I wasn't really sure that this was his intention...so I asked him. It was.)

We are assisting a rewrite.

I have a LOT of blog reading to catch up on. A WHOLE LOT! So if my retinas aren't bleeding by the time I finish (which will probably be several days from now), I hope to be back to my regularly scheduled posting.

Milk Police

2009-10-13T06:24:00.001-07:00

Eden has taken it upon herself to keep tabs on each family member's milk usage. She is paticularly interested in Lane's milk habits. Every morning as I am trying to get ready for the day (read: gone back to bed for "just a minute"), Eden comes in and starts whine-yelling (yes, the combo is possible. And ANNOYING!) that Lane is "just wasting all the mi-yulk!!".

See, in her mind, any milk that goes to her brother is wasted. Her definition of wasted is not the same as mine. My definition of wasted milk would be that someone poured it down the drain. Wasted milk would expire before it was used. Wasted milk would be spilled all over the floor.

So, again, I told her "I DON'T CARE! Mind your own business, and make sure you don't waste any of the milk that you poured by not drinking it."

Oh, yes. Did I forget to mention that the milk policeman (er.....police-girl) is notorious for pouring milk and NOT drinking it?

Very ironic....

Not Me Monday

2009-10-12T19:28:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Not Me Monday! This is the place where we do NOT let it all hang out! Visit MckMama to see what she has NOT been up to!

Last night, Ava did NOT scream, "EDEN POOPED IN THE TUB!"

Eden did NOT yell back, " Na-AH! THAT WAS AVA!"

I did NOT have to clean said poop out of the tub. All of my children are toilet trained, and none of them would be so disgusting as to poop in the bathtub. In the same water that they are sitting in. And sharing with their sister. No one did NOT confess to this heinous offense. My children always admit their faults and ask for forgiveness.

We are NOT in the midst of a very unorganized and disconcerting move. Our current landlord has NOT begun to move in on top of us, with their things piled to the ceiling in our dining room and guest room. My dining room furniture and piano are NOT currently in the middle of my kitchen. The guest room furniture is NOT in the living room. There are NOT boxes everywhere. I am NOT actually going insane. We were NOT told that our new house would not be available for two more weeks. Our landlord does NOT expect to move in this weekend. This is NOT a disaster.

I am NOT in a cooking slump. I have NOT eaten at every fast food restaurant in our general vicinity in the last week. I did NOT set out a pork tenderloin, fully intent on preparing a great meal tonight, only to get a sudden craving for Logan's, and decide to go out at the last minute. I am very disciplined, and always stick to my menu plan. Last minute dining out is NOT a regular part of our routine.

My car is in pristine condition. I am NOT embarrassed at all when teachers open the doors in the pick up line..... and trash falls out. There is NOT trash in my car, therefore it is NOT even possible for trash to fall out. I do NOT think to myself.....everytime I get in the car, "when I get home, we are cleaning this car OUT!" I do NOT put it off another day each and every time we get home. We did NOT have a friend in the car the other day. Lane did NOT tell this friend that if he got hungry, there was an old chicken nugget under the seat. My child would NEVER knowlingly leave a chicken nugget under the seat of the car.

Five Question Friday

2009-10-09T08:08:00.000-07:00

THIS..... is Five Question Friday. A big thank you to our host, Mama M.

1. What is the one thing that you reach for the most in a day (excluding phones, computer or children's butts for spankings)?

Diet Coke. Must have Diet Coke. I cannot function without it. I have severe withdrawals without it.

2. What is the farthest you have been from home?

Hawaii. And I WISH that Hawaii was home. Or that the lack of stress I felt while I was there was also present at home.

3. What kind of cell phone do you have? Love it or hate it?

I have an LG Voyager. Touch screen, flips up for a full keyboard, TV capable, web capable.
I love the phone. Not loving the service.

4. Coke or Pepsi?

UHHH....COKE! Definitely, definitely coke. My husband gets annoyed with me because I refuse(or complain a lot about it!) to eat at a restaurant that serves Pepsi products.

Let's compare:

Pepsi is to coke

as

Raw sewage is to Evian.

Nuff said.

5. If you could go back and change anything about your wedding day, what would it be and why?

Any one thing??? OH SO MANY THINGS!!!!

Let me paint the picture of my day. The soloist's tape(yes, tape....) messed up and started screeching. The Best Man fell down the stairs. Our unity candle fell off the stand as we were trying to light it. My husband picked it up, lit it himself and stuck it back on the stand. The flower girl kept throwing her basket down the aisle and chasing after it. My flowers were not what I had ordered. The bridemaid dresses were ugly. Even I hated them. AND....my brother(who was 16) got into a fist fight in the parking lot at the reception.

We need a wedding day do-over.

Good thing our wedding day did not set the tone for our marriage. In the scheme of things, your wedding day is just one day. The days and weeks and months and years that follow are what really matter.

Girl Crazy

2009-10-06T07:55:00.000-07:00

My son told me last night that his friend has a girlfriend. And that he kisses her. And that he has kissed 4 other girls. And that he likes Eden. Oh my! These kids are 9!!(And if that pervy little kid brings his pervy little lips anywhere near my daughter.........)

And then Lane asks me how old he should be to have a girlfriend. As I pulled my heart out of my stomach and gently placed it back in my chest....I asked him if he knew of a girl that he liked. He said no......he was just wondering if he was supposed to have a girlfriend, since his friend had one.

We had a talk about how we don't have to do things just because other people are doing them. And then I asked him why people have girlfriends or boyfriends. He answered the way I hoped he would....to see if you want to marry that person. So I asked if he was ready to get married....

I am SO not ready for this phase. I know he is 9, and it is coming quickly......but I am SO not ready.

Some days I want to freeze time. Right where it stands. I want to stay in these moments with my kids forever, preserving their innocence, guarding their hearts and minds.
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Meanwhile, back at the ranch(or.....BJ's softball game), Ava was busy cheering her daddy on. "Catch the ball, Daddy!" and "Hit the Ball, Daddy!" and "YAY DADDY!"

The batter popped up the ball. Another player (not Daddy) caught the ball. The following conversation/cheer then took place:

Ava: "GO DADDY!!!"

Eden: "That wasn't daddy."

Ava: "OOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooohhhhhh! DADDY STINKS! Cuz he TOOTED!" (Top of her lungs)

Lane: " Ava! You cannot say tooted here. There are Christians around us!"

Me: "Lane, aren't you a Christian?"

Lane: "Oh."

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On the moving front, we have found a fabulous house. We have signed a lease. We are packing boxes. It is a nightmare. The end. (For now.)

Say What?!?

2009-09-29T17:28:00.000-07:00

While we were eating dinner at a nice restaurant tonight, my niece (age 2) proclaimed " I LIKE PORN!!". Very. Very. Loudly.

Intensive speech therapy lessons ensued.

C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-Corn!!!

Embarrassing, much? Yes.
________________________

This moving saga is about to make me stark raving mad.

OH! THE DRAMA!

2009-09-27T20:01:00.000-07:00

I know that you all have been missing my randomly absurd posts (well, okay....I don't know that you miss them, but I do know that I haven't posted them!), and there is a good reason for that.

We moved in May. It was a long distanced move. It was very un-fun. One never really realizes how much JUNK one has, until one attempts to move it ALL in one trip. Just your husband and you. With three kids underfoot. Lemme say it again....VERY UN-FUN. (I think I may still have a few bruises.)

I think that as time goes by, you forget how bad moving actually is. How time consuming, unorganized, terrible, breakable, miserable, exhausting, etc moving can be. And as the time passes, and you forget how awful it was, you get the idea that you should do it again. (Kind of like child birth.....)

Not enough time has passed!!! Seriously!!

My landlord called me early this week, and let me know that she had lost her job and wants to move back into this house. She aked if we could be out in 30 days.

Frantic house searching has ensued. There is not a lot out there. And I am still frantic. And anxious. And, if I am being honest....REALLY IRRITATED at this point.

Yes, we have a lease....and it says that we live here until mid April. No, we have not violated the contract on our end. But, this is a small family community, and community tensions would run high if we did not move along.

There are no homes available in this school zone, so my poor kids will have to change schools. Again.

But, I think I have found the perfect home. We just can't meet with the owner until Thursday.

So, right now I am majorly stressing about finding a house. After I have that nailed down, then I will stress about the actual moving of the massive mounds of stuff.

And I just unpacked the last box about 2 weeks ago.

*Sigh*

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!!!!

2009-09-20T15:14:00.000-07:00

Didn't you enjoy the suspense?!

I guess you have waited long enough!

And the Winner IS:

Result: 11 Powered by RANDOM.ORG

And Number 11 IS:

Keely!!!!

Well deserved, girlie! Hit me up with the color and size of your preference, and I will get that out to you this week!

Some Diem to Carpe

2009-09-19T17:50:00.000-07:00

So....we saw "Cloudy....with a Chance of Meatballs" today. Such a cute movie. I laughed several times. But my favorite line was "We got some diem to carpe!". I thought it was hilarious. The kids didn't get it. B-L-A-N-K S-T-A-R-E-S.

So...you guys have some diem to carpe. It's your last chance to enter the Great Pumpkin T-shirt Giveaway!!

Five Question Friday

2009-09-18T14:40:00.000-07:00

It's Friday! And I. Am. Excited.

Why, you ask? Well, mainly because I won't have to wake up at 6:30 a.m. tomorrow.

But also because it is time for some Five Question Friday fun, brought to you by the Fantabulous Mama M.

September 18th Questions: (Thanks to Keely, Meghan, and Amanda for their help!)

1. What's your favorite line from a movie?

Well, I would have to say that it is a tie. Both lines are from the same movie.

" I carried a watermelon."

and

" Nobody puts Baby in the corner!"

Dirty Dancing was my favorite movie ever. And, I can probably quote the movie. (But I won't.)

I think Patrick Swayze was my first love.(Of course, Peyton Manning is a close 2nd!)

2. What "group" did you belong to in high school? Goths, jocks, preps, drama, nerds?

Tough question! I tried to be friendly to everyone. I was in the "smart classes", so I was mostly a nerd. I wouldn't call myself a prep...those were the snotty girls...

I was in chorus and drama...but I was definitely not a goth, but I had many friends who were.....

But mostly, I just mingled with everyone.

3. If you had $1000 just for yourself what would you spend it on?

(We are really focusing on our Dave Ramsey plan, so right now, I would pay off debt with it...but for this exercise, let's pretend we are debt free....I WISH!!)

I am really wanting to get a bar top table that seats 8 for my breakfast area.

4. What was your favorite childhood cartoon?

Too many to name!

Looney Tunes, Pinky and the Brain, and Animaniacs

5. What kind of sleeper are you? Back? Tummy? Side? Sprawler?

I sleep in a morphed position...somewhere between stomach and side. Always facing the edge of the bed. Always on the right side of the bed. And I have the best pillow ever made. Contoured. Memory foam.

Ummmmmm....I will see you bloggy peeps later....my pillow is calling my name!!!

There you have it! Join in the fun!!

Sheer Disbelief!

2009-09-18T09:26:00.000-07:00

In case you missed it, Keely accepted my dare.

She re-wrote the lyrics to a song, video-ed herself singing it, and then actually posted it to her blog. Make sure you check it out.

Make sure you sign up for a chance to win the Pumpkin T-Shirt giveaway here.

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Allergic to Mornings

2009-09-16T13:15:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I must be allergic to mornings. Especially mornings that begin at 6:30 a.m.

It absolutely does not matter what time we go to bed. My body seriously dislikes 6:30 a.m.

My mood is further soured by kids that refuse to get up and get dressed peaceably.

I have written a letter to the school board requesting that school begin at 10:00 a.m. This time frame would work better for my family. I am sure they will get right on that.

Maybe we should all write letters. Do you think that would work?? Petition?? Protest??

Something's gotta give!

It's the Great Pumpkin Giveaway!!!

2009-09-15T13:39:00.001-07:00

Update: Comments are now closed. (Unofficially.....because I am not computer literate enough to actually close them.)

Winner will be posted tomorrow afternoon. Good luck!

I LOVE Halloween! I love the costumes, the candy,the adorable kids in their costumes, the candy, the parties, the decorations, and did I mention THE CANDY!!!

In the spirit of my love of Halloween, I will be giving away this:

An Adorable Pumpkin Applique T-Shirt (Adorable Child is not included. Sorry!)!!!

Need a closer look??

SOOOOOO.......wanna win??

(The shirt will be available in all sizes, and in black, white, and purple....with or without the bow.)

Here's how to gain a few entries:

1. Leave me a comment telling me who your adorable kiddos will be dressing up as for Halloween this year.

2. Blog about this giveaway, link back to my blog, then comment and let me know about it.

3. Re-write the lyrics to any pop song, and post either in the comments section, or in your blog, with a link back to here. Be creative. Make it all Halloween-y. Humor counts double. (For 10 bonus entries, VLOG yourself singing your new song....it's a dare, Keely!)

4. Tell me what your favorite candy is, and how you manage to get your kids to share their stash.

I am out of creative entry ideas....so, there you go. At least 4 ways to enter. Entries will be accepted until Midnight on Saturday, Sept. 19. When the clock strikes Midnight, all entries may turn into a pumpkin. (Or not.)

I am keeping my fingers crossed that someone posts a video of their song. It could be the next sensation!!

And meanwhile, I will be brainstorming for new ways to get my kids to share some of their candy.

Manning Mania

2009-09-13T18:26:00.000-07:00

There has been a long standing inside joke between my husband and I. Some of our close friends are in on it as well, and tonight, I have decided to let my bloggy friends in on it too. Aren't you lucky???!!

A while back, BJ and I were watching SNL, and Peyton Manning was the host. One word.....HI-LAR-I-OUS. He was hysterical. Have you seen the sketch where he is in the locker room at half time, the team is losing,and he starts dancing? SOOOOOOOO funny. (Either that, or it was past midnight, and I was so tired that I was delirious, and thus everything was funny.)

I then headed off to dream land. (Can you see where this is headed?) I dreamt that I went on a date with Peyton. Completely innocent. We had dinner at a five star restaurant....it was a black tie affair. And where else would the second half of a black tie date take place??????

A softball field of course! I was in the outfield....I think Peyton was the pitcher. Yes, yes....in our formal wear.

Weird, I know.

And, so the next morning, I woke up, and in my still-sleepy-delirium, told my husband about my dream. He is still laughing. Two. Years. Later.

So, today, during the Colts game, BJ was teasing me about my boyfriend. I was wearing an old white T-Shirt. I picked up a marker, and drew a BIG 18 on my chest.

Whose laughing now??????

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Tonight, I started a Bible study titled 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter.

I am really excited about this study. It is basically about debunking all of the lies that our culture is throwing at our girls regarding body image, sexuality, and the like.

This week is about redifining beauty. About how our culture has placed a higher priority on vanity than it has on virtue.

How much value do we place on our appearance? What are we teaching our daughters about inner beauty? Are our lives reflecting to our daughters that our looks are more important than our hearts?

I can't wait to delve more into this. My goal is to raise virtuous girls. How quickly even young girls become materialistic and superficial! The lesson tonight was eye-opening, and I can only imagine what the rest of this series is going to be like.

Just Weirdness

2009-09-08T14:37:00.000-07:00

Weirdness.

Weirdness is within our gene pool. (Obviously from my husband's side of the family. Obviously!)

Last night, while seated at the dinner table, my shirtless son was sporting some strange looking marks on his arms. (Arms....as in plural. Both arms.)

Right away, I recognized what these marks were.

But, I asked anyway.

"Lane, what are those marks on your arm?"

My husband says, "Those look like......"

I shooshed him, quickly. I wanted Lane to answer.

Lane says that his arm was itching, and that his fingernails were too short, so he used his teeth to scratch his arm.

I told him that I wasn't buying it.

He maintained his story. We had a nice chat about lying. (Biggest NO-NO in my book. Do NOT lie to me. You will be in SO much more trouble for lying!!!!)

So, he finally admits that he was sucking on his arm. Why? I ask.

Still, because it was itching, he says.

So, I asked if it helped to make the itch stop.

He says "No."

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight! I didn't think so!

So then, WHY ON EARTH DID YOU SUCK ON YOUR OTHER ARM??!!!???!?!?!?!?!?!?!

We never really did get to the bottom of it. And Lane has a hickey on each bicep.

Total weirdness.

Attn:Toilet Abuser....You Strike Again

2009-09-05T18:54:00.000-07:00

Dearest Ava,

I have given you some time to meet compliance standards. You have, as of yet, refused to follow regulations; therefore, I feel we must revisit some of the Toilet Guidelines.

It is never acceptable to make a trip to a public restroom......just to see what it looks like. It looks like a restroom. And it is filled with germs. The public restroom is for emergencies ONLY.

(Emergency = Your internal organs are going to explode, or it is coming out....like it or not.

Emergency does NOT = I just went to the bathroom at home 5 minutes before we got to the restaurant to have a nice meal, but I would like to see the bathroom, try the toilet out, but not actually go, forcing my mother to breathe in the noxious public restroom fumes that render her meal untouchable due to nausea.)

Please do NOT announce to the entire restaurant that you need to poop. No one needs to know. No one wants to know.

And WHY can't you HOLD IT TIL WE GET HOME!!!??????!!!!

Signed,

Nauseous in the Ladies' Room (A.K.A.- Your Mom)

Where are YOUR PARENTS??!!??!!!

2009-09-04T10:35:00.000-07:00

I had one of those moments today. You know, the kind where your child publicly humiliates you SO BADLY that you would like to step away from them, look around unassumingly, and then say (loudly, so that all around you can hear), "WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS?!?"

We were in the book store, looking at some books (duh!), when a lady from our new church walked up. (How long I have known this lady = about a month.... I will never be able to erase what happened next from her memory. This preempts ALL first impressions.) She says "Hey!"
She looked over at Ava and said....."How are you doing, little lady?!"

Any normal kid would either:

A. Mumble "Fine.'

B. Chatter excitedly about being in the bookstore.

C. Hide behind their mother.

Not my child.

My child promptly dropped trou'.

Oh yes, in the middle of the book store, in front of a mere acquaintance, Ava pulled her pants and panties down.....Full MOON!

I was so frantic to pull her pants back up, that they got stuck. It felt like 10 whole minutes standing there trying to pull up my daughter's pants.

Embarrassing. Humiliating. Mortifying. Hilarious.

She will NEVER live this down.

TGIF!: Five Question Friday Frenzy!!

2009-09-04T06:09:00.001-07:00

Here we go, friends! Our Five Question Friday (with a Thursday night posting, to facilitate a fellow mama, who's sweet little Belli is having surgery Friday)!!

So...the rules?

Copy and paste the questions to your blog, answer them, grab the MckLinky Blog Hop code, link up and voila (I soooo wish I could put that cute little accent above the 'o'...or would it be the 'i'?)!! You're hoppin' along with us!A special thanks to Sandy, Megan Silva and Keely for this week's questions!!

September 4th Questions:

1. The clothing outfit you remember from childhood and why?

I had a white top and stirrup pants that were black with white polka dots . They were my favorite!(Ya know....in the fourth grade. I wouldn't be caught dead in them now.) Until my grandmother washed them with a red shirt....and the white polka dots had a pinkish tint. I was really upset. My grandmother's suggestion: Get a pink shirt to wear with them. PSSSHH! They didn't look like they were supposed to be pink. They looked like someone hadn't laundered them correctly. Even at age 9, I was aware of that! (Laundry aficionado in the making!!!!) And I was NOT going to just wear them with a pink shirt.

2. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a pianist. I told my parents when I was 5 that I was going to be the church pianist. As I grew up, that never really changed. I went to school as a music major.....I never finished my degree, but I did become a church pianist....for 8 years.

3. What is your must have for Fall?

Hmmmm......well, our weather doesn't really change for fall here. And I am a year round flip flop kind of girl. But...I am a jacket, sweater, coat fanatic. Must have several, as I wear them indoors almost everywhere we go, and can't repeat too often. Just got a really cute grey jacket with double buttons and bell sleeves. Love it!

4. If money were no object, how many kiddos would you really have?

When I was younger, I always wanted to have 7 children (like the Von Trapp family....Sound of Music??) I would definitely have a few more. I think the questions should really read, "If time were no object......." I want to make sure that I am able to spend one on one quality time with each of my kids. And the more there are, the harder it is to do. I think I would just like to freeze time......right where it stands, and keep my kids the ages they are forever.

I do feel led to adopt. And probably will, when the time is right.

5. The best part of your birthing story (other than the beautiful child at the end).

"I'll tell you what the worst part was!" (My friend's little boy says this.....every DAY when she asks him what the best part about school was. I think it's hilarious. A pessimist at 5!)

Keep in mind that no drugs were used in the birthing of any of these babies (making these offenses atrocious!)!!!

Birth Number 1:

I had a really mean nurse. Really mean. I was 19, scared, and had no idea what to expect. She waited until my baby had crowned before she called a doctor. It then took the doctor an hour to get there, (with her screaming at me "DON'T PUSH!!!"...... the whole time) and it was not my doctor. So.....strange doctor walks in. Says NOTHING. To anyone. And proceeds to give me an episiotomy. Still.....saying nothing. Not to me. Not to my husband. Not to the crabby old nurse.

The baby was 5 pounds 14 ounces. Not a big baby. Not a big head. Still don't know WHY he felt I needed an episiotomy, as I didn't with the other two, and amazingly NO RIPS.

Just rudeness. Nurse was rude......doctor was rude. And even when I am up in stirrups....panting and pushing.....some prerequisite etiquette should still apply.

Birth Number 2:

Immediately following the natural birth of our beautiful daughter, as she lay on my belly in all of her slimy glory.....and as the placenta has not yet made it's appearance........(so, like within 30 seconds).....................my husband says to me......"Well, that wasn't so bad, was it?!!"

Nuff said.

Birth Number 3:

As the baby was making its descent, crowning, and then coming out, a WAY TOO PEPPY nurse sang "Happy Birthday". The. WHOLE. TIME. For about 20 minutes. It was torturous. And I wanted to do bodily harm to her.

I appreciate the gesture, but, I just wish she had waited until after the birth to serenade us.

FabulouSplash-ity!

2009-09-03T19:38:00.000-07:00

Oh, the FABULOUS-NESS! The awesome-ness! The Excitementationalness!! The Splashilocity!

(I am completely aware that I am making up words. I am allowed to do that now! Because Iam an AWARD WINNING BLOGGER! Seriously!)

Both Mama M at My Little Life and Keely over at Mannland5 have bestowed the greatest honor on me today: The Splash Award!!

The Splash Award is given to alluring, amusing, bewitching, impressive, and inspiring blogs.

When you receive this award you must: Put the logo on your blog/post. Nominate up to 9 blogs which allure, amuse, bewitch, impress or inspire you. Let them know that they have been splashed by commenting on their blog. Remember to link to the person from whom you received your Splash Award.

The nominees for "The Splash Award" are: (channeling my inner Ryan Seacrest!)

A Day in the Life of a Girl Named Kimber

Mama4Real

Crazy Days......Sleepless Nights

The Life and Times of Mommy

Motherhood.....Unscripted

Be a Hip Chick

I would totally nominate Mama M. and Keely again....but they have already won....SO.......

Thanks again, girls!

Make sure you guys enter to win Mama M's Adorably Fabulous Tutu Giveaway! (Or....don't.....Cuz I really want to win!....Just kidding! Go check it out!

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P.S.- I have been SUCH a bad blogger this week. My mom is in town, and I have neglected all responsibilities for the week. No laundry or bathroom cleaning for me, ya'll! This week has been full of shopping and pedicures and fun! (Don't be jealous! I will pay for it next week with some nasty bathrooms and a Mountain O' Laundry.......*shudder*)

Oh........ and "Seacrest OUT!"

the Journey

2009-08-31T21:11:00.000-07:00

I recently stumbled onto a blog that humbled me. Broke me. I gained a heart for something that I thought I was pretty hardened to. When I say hardened, I guess I really mean desensitized. You know....there's starving kids in Africa. You start to hear it so many times that it becomes trite....loses its effect.

Visit Katie's blog to be blessed in ways unimaginable. I really have no words that aptly describe this young woman and her ministry. Nothing short of amazing. So, I will just ask that you visit her blog. Follow her blog. And if you feel led, support her ministry.

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And, on a much lighter note.....

As we were finishing up dinner tonight, my mom says....

"Somebody needs to hit the bong!!!"

(There is a Asian looking GONG on the piano in the dining room. Yes, I knew what she meant to say. But, BJ and I laughed hysterically at her anyway. It took her a few minutes to catch up.)

Five Question Friday

2009-08-28T06:24:00.000-07:00

It's Friday! YAYA! That could only mean one thing.....it's time for FIVE QUESTION FRIDAY!!!

I know you are excited! Brought to you courtesy of Mama M, Five Question Friday is easy-peasy and super fun! So link up down below, and copy the questions to participate.

1. What is your favorite Holiday and why? (Thanks, Keely! Yup, same Keely as above!!)

2. Who has been the most influential person in your life?

3. If you could give up one household chore forever, what would it be?

4. What is the BEST practical joke you have ever been a part of, on the giving OR receiving end? (Thanks to Meghan, for that one!!)

5. Where (or how) did you meet your spouse?

1. What is your favorite Holiday and why? (Thanks, Keely! Yup, same Keely as above!!)

I love all Holidays! I love dressing my little babies up for Halloween, the tastes and smells of Thanksgiving, and everything about Christmas.

But if I had to pick a favorite, I would have to say that it is Easter. I actually don't care for the Easter Bunny. Dying eggs are about as high up on my list as cleaning out the attic in July. Don't even get me started on filling the plastic eggs. I have nightmares about my kids eating boiled eggs that have sat in the sun for 3 hours waiting to be found.

Easter is representative of the resurrection of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. We are all imperfect, and in need of His gift of Salvation. Easter is a day to reflect on the sacrifice that Jesus made. He suffered and bled and died. He was beaten until he was no longer recognizable as a man, all while being mocked by a crowd. He was buried, and spent 3 days in hell. For me. I think that people sometimes skip over that last part......but that is the most important part. Hell is the punishment for sin. It is the most horrific place in existence. And Jesus went there. For me. And for you. He had no sin.....yet, He took on the sins of everyone, and accepted the punishment for those sins, so that we would not have to. He defeated death, and He conquered hell and all within it, then on Easter Sunday, He arose!

But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

2. Who has been the most influential person in your life?

My Mom. She is my best friend, and my confidante. She is the most sacrificial, unselfish person I have ever known. (Ya know, apart from Jesus.) She is the kind of mother that I could only hope to be.

3. If you could give up one household chore forever, what would it be?

LAUNDRY! The sorting, the washing, forgetting to switch and rewashing, drying, folding, hanging, sock sorting, putting away. Laundry for a family of 5 could be a full time job. I seriously don't know how larger families get it done.

And....why on EARTH can't they come up with a machine that washes and dries!!??!!! Seriously. Let's all write a letter to Maytag requesting this new technology be developed. Really. Why hasn't anyone in the appliance business had this epiphany yet??

4. What is the BEST practical joke you have ever been a part of, on the giving OR receiving end? (Thanks to Meghan, for that one!!)

I LOVE a good practical joke! There is nothing quite as grand as pulling of a big stinker on someone. Do you know that in some areas, you can be prosecuted for toilet papering some one's yard????!!! Some people have absolutely no sense of humor! When I was a teenager, that was just good clean fun! If you didn't know whose house was being t.p.'d on Friday night........you had better be on guard because it was probably your house!

Anyway....when I was 14, we moved about 700 miles away from home. The next summer, my best friend Sarah came and stayed for about 3 weeks. Little pranks were pulled here and there. Then my cousin Erin came for the weekend toward the end. They both fell asleep early on Saturday night.....so I gathered ALL of their underwear and bras from their suitcases, placed them in a large garbage bag, filled it up with water............and put it in the deep freezer.

The next morning, when Sarah and Erin woke up (I was still sleeping, because I had stayed up late carrying out my devious prank!), they discovered what I had done, and proceeded to dump all of my dresser drawers into the pool.

So.....Sunday morning. Church. None of us had any clothes to wear. Theirs were frozen; mine at the bottom of the pool. My Parents = Not Happy.

I still remember my mom sitting there with a hair dryer trying to thaw out a 13 gallon panty popsicle.

My parents laugh hysterically about this story today.

5. Where (or how) did you meet your spouse?

While I was away at college, my parents became members of a new church. When I came home for the summer, they insisted that we go to church as a family. (I wanted to go to our old church, and was very reluctant to go to this new church.) So, off we go to Sunday School....me, with a scowl on my face. And I am put in the college and career class. With a bunch of morons. I was the only girl. And there were 4 guys. Idiots. Pulling chairs out from under each other. Telling corny jokes. It was excruciating. So, on the way home from church that day....I told my parents that I would go to church with them, but that I was NOT going back to Sunday School with those stupid rednecks.

My husband was one of those stupid rednecks. The other 3 were our groomsmen.

Ava the Fashionista....

2009-08-27T14:38:00.001-07:00

As of late, Ava has been exhaustingly demanding in the style and accessory department.

Unfortunately, her imagination outweighs her communication skills.

Example: "I wanna be like Belle!"

Or: "I wanna be like Ariel!"

Also: "I wanna be like Eden!"

And so on, and so on.

The problem is......she seeminly knows in her little mind what exactly that entails. And typically it means that she doesn't want to wear that and I haven't fixed her hair to her satisfaction.

But, she can't tell me why she doesn't like it, or how she wants me to fix it. She tries.....I just don't get it.

She says things like "I want it in the back." I took this to mean she wanted a ponytail.
I was wrong.

Or she will say, "I want it like this!"........while demonstrating some wild and crazy hand motions. I have NO CLUE!

Ava is frustrated. I am frustrated.

Minor temper fits have taken place.

Her new fave response is...."I will wear that tomorrow." (It actually sounds more like "too-mah-woh-oh-oh"....) And it doesn't matter how many outfits you present to her in a row.....she will wear them all ..."too-mah-woh-oh-oh"!

As I felt myself getting stressed about this today, I thought back to a time not so long ago. A time when a different toddler that DEFINED the terrible two's was the terror of my household.

That toddler was Eden. Not only was she MORE demanding in her Fashionista ways......if she disliked what Mama dressed her in, she had the "perfect" solution.

Eden would just pee in the offending outfit. And I would change her into a new outfit. And she was happy.

Manipulated by a two year old.

Sad, sad, sad.

Sleeping Boo-ty

2009-08-26T14:57:00.001-07:00

Is it any coincidence that Ava keeps referencing her "Sleeping Boo-ty Princess panties"?

I mean, she does sleep in them.

They go on her boo-ty.

And, she is a Princess.

I rest my case!

It's Fun to Stay at the Y.M.C.A.......

2009-08-25T11:52:00.000-07:00

So.....I worked out this morning. At..........the Y.M.C.A. On the way home, I was thinking about blogging about the Y.M.C.A, and how it was most certainly not fun to stay there....it is BRUTAL. So, as I am thinking about this, I started trying to remember the actual words to the song. Apart from the chorus...and the beginning phrase of "Young man....", I have to say I came up short.

So......I had to ask my husband what the words were........and what the song was about. So, he told me. And I have to say that I was a little surprised. Then he told me to look it up on Wikipedia if I didn't believe him. So.......................................................

"Y.M.C.A." is a 1978 song by the Village People which became a hit in January 1979. The song reached #2 on the U.S. charts in early 1979 and reached No.1 in the UK around the same time, becoming the group's biggest hit ever. Taking the song at face value, its lyrics extol the virtues of the Young Men's Christian Association. In the gay culture from which the group sprang, the song was implicitly understood as celebrating the YMCA's reputation as a popular cruising and hookup spot, particularly for the younger gay men to whom it was addressed.[1]
The song has continued to remain popular due to its status as a disco classic and gay anthem, even among listeners who are otherwise uninvolved in disco or gay culture.

I have to say that I was surprised. I guess I had never really thought about it. Really??!! Why am I just now hearing about this??!! And....why then, other than the catchy arm motions, is this such a popular song?

But, back to the original purpose of my post.....It is NOT fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A. It is NOT fun to go to the Y.M.C.A. I force myself to go, thinking that one day......maybe.....it will get better. And my abilities have improved.....but I still hate it.

My husband is gym obsessed. He is one of those people that gets up 2 hours earlier than he really has to....just to go to the gym. He runs....and lift weights....and wants to have long conversations about running and lifting weights.....I try to pretend to be interested...because he is important to me, and I should take interest in what is important to him. But, really.......the 5 a.m. wake ups....a little annoying.

So...today, we went to the gym together. (Not at 5 a.m........I haven't seen 5 a.m. since I had babies that got up at that time to be fed...and even then, I saw it through sleepy slits of eyes that were begging to go back to sleep.....not perky eyes that were focused on the treadmill.) After we tortured ourselves at the gym for an hour, we decided to stop for lunch.

At Wendy's.

I asked him...."Doesn't this defeat the purpose?"

He says....." Nope! That's why we workout! So we can eat junk."

Thanks for clearing that up. My guilt was assuaged.

Yes. I did order a Frosty.

And YES! I did dip my fries in it.

YYYYYYYYYYYummy! Or.....NOT....

2009-08-24T17:35:00.000-07:00

Pickled Quail Eggs....since Kimber asked so nicely!

Try not to gag....

Not My Child Monday: Principal's Office, Styrofoam Shreds, and Pickled Quail Eggs

2009-08-24T15:44:00.000-07:00

It was NOT my oldest child that found himself in the Principal's office today. He was NOT so disruptive outside in the pickup line that he was sent in to the Principal. The Principal did NOT have to escort him to my vehicle so that she could inform me of the situation. He is NOT in big, big trouble. (I actually did NOT say, "Just you wait until your Father gets home!"....which is NOT something I swore I would never say.)

It was NOT my middle child who shoved her 3 year old sister down to the ground for "saying something mean"; that "something mean" has NOT remained a mystery. We all know how vicious 3 year old's speech can be! It was NOT this same middle child that threw an absolute temper fit when asked to go to a time out period for shoving her sister. She did NOT scream "NO!" at me repeatedly all the way down the stairs. This has NOT been an ongoing issue since birth.....or whenever she learned the word "NO!".

My youngest child did NOT make off with a sheet of styrofoam (from the box of a desk that I was upstairs attempting to put together. Does anyone else feel that ready-to-assemble furniture should have the assembly directions/diagram on the outside of the box, so that you can see what you are getting yourself into....before you are actually into it? At the very least...a difficulty level. Come ON!), take it downstairs...where I thought she was looking at her book and playing with her princess figurines.....and rip it into 5 bazillion little pieces. Did you know that it is literally impossible to vacuum and/or sweep styrofoam particles?

Lane is NOT constantly beggin me to eat the pickled quail eggs that my in laws brought as a gift for their visit. It is NOT sitting unopened on the counter. It will NOT probably hit the trash unopened. I do NOT gag at the mere sight of the jar. It does NOT remind me of a jar full of eyeballs. He did NOT point out to my in-laws that the house next door to ours was for sale...and I did NOT have a mild heart attack.

Ava did NOT recently engage in a number of public bathroom infractions....and she most certainly did NOT walk into the stall and wipe an unknown liquid substance from the seat with her fingers. I do NOT have a major loathing of public bathrooms, and I do NOT avoid them at all costs.

Ava did NOT get another sheet of styrofoam out of the trash and obliterate it....for the second time TODAY.....while I sat here writing this post. I am always observant, and know what each of my kids is doing at ALL times. I have eyes ALL OVER my head!

Visit MckMama to see what other angelic children have NOT been doing. I have to go clean up the styrofoam mess that my daughter did NOT just make. Again.

Lane-isms and other Randomness...

2009-08-23T15:14:00.000-07:00

Today at lunch, BJ expressed his desire to watch some football...to which Lane replies, "I think the Kentuckians are playing today."

Hmmmmmmm. OK?? I think my husband needs to invest some time in the football education of our only son.

And a few seconds later, "Can we go as the Peanut Patrol for Halloween this year?"

Say, WHA???? What is with my kids and the random Peanut Characters?? (See: Peanut Pete??!?) We don't grow peanuts for a living. We don't eat peanuts regularly. I have never even bought boiled peanuts off the side of the road!!! What's the peanut fascination about??

That said, we ate lunch out today, and I did NOT have to take anyone to the restroom. (Perhaps my latest Toilet Abuser memo did the trick?! We shall see!)

V for Victory!!

It's the little things in life!!

I survived the In-Laws, and there was little-to-no fallout. In fact, compared with the "Mamaw" visit, it was downright pleasant. Even if we did go to the Bass Pro shop, an antique store, the flea market, and a liquidation outlet......and even if they did buy a HUGE pallet of stuff in a box without knowing the contents. (Picture: Wal-mart pallets in the middle of the aisle....YEAH! One of those. And even if they did allow my kids to unload said BOX in my driveway. We got a couple of air mattresses, snorkel gear (because....you NEVER know when we are going to go snorkeling!), some flashlights, and more goggles than my kids cold lose in a lifetime out of the deal.

They even brought us a gift!

Pickled Quail Eggs.

Nope. Not kidding.

ATTN: Toilet Abuser...Public Bathroom No-No's

2009-08-21T13:51:00.000-07:00

Dear Toilet Abuser,

Being that we had to have a discussion just yesterday, I am a little disappointed that we are having to address toilet etiquette again today. Seeing as how the offense is not the same, I will let you get by with a warning. A stern warning.

When in a public place, please avoid the public restrooms unless it is an extreme emergency. You should already be aware that I detest public bathrooms. (Reference-Things I Hate: Public Restroom Edition ).

In the event of an emergency, the following rules apply.

Never touch anything in the public restroom.

Never say " I don't touch anything, Mama!", and then proceed to wipe drops of an unknown liquid substance...... (Oh Dear God in Heaven....PLEASE....PLEASE ......let that have been water overspray from the auto flush toilet!)....... off of the toilet seat. With your fingers. *shudder*

It is totally unacceptable to announce to the entire bathroom that your mother is going #2.

While I understand that you are accustomed to my assistance with wiping for yourself, I am not in need of the same assistance. Please do not grab a wad of toilet paper and attempt to wipe my rear.

Do NOT open the door to the stall until my pants are up zipped and buttoned. I will let you know when I am ready.

All other rules and regulations mentioned in other Toilet Abuser Memos still apply.

Signed,

Really Annoyed with Bad Bathroom Habits (A.K.A- your Mom)

Five Question Friday Fun!!!

2009-08-21T08:56:00.000-07:00

Brought to us by the one and only Mama M, Five Question Friday is, well, exactly that! Five random questions on Friday. Wanna try? Copy and paste the following questions to your blog, and answer them. Then copy and paste the MckLinky code. Piece of cake? (OOOOOOOooooooooo....I should bake a cake!)

1. What is your biggest Pet Peeve? (Thanks, Meghan!)

2. With no worries about finances, childcare, or travel time...where would you most want to vacation?

3. If your house was in the path of a tornado and you had time to grab 3 things before the house was totally destroyed (children, husband, pets are already out) what 3 items would you grab? (Thanks, A.!)

4. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? (Thanks, Keely!)

5. What is your family's favorite homecooked meal?

And....for the answers!!

1.What is your biggest pet peeve?

OH! There are SO many of these. Mama always told me I was TOO easily annoyed. I could really go on a rant with this, but I think I am going to say that most of my Pet Peeves are derived from people's inconsiderate-ness (YEAH...I know I made up a word. So what?) And the one that has got me going today is when people allow their children to behave heinously in public places. Whether it be that they are running around the grocery store.....darting out in front of my very full shopping cart, or running around in a restaurant (and I am NOT talking fast food, here, people. I am talking sit down, have a server, eating a nice meal restaurant!), or pushing on a playground. I am a mother of young children, and if my children behave badly, they are in trouble. And they know it. I will not say that mine have never behaved this way, but I will say that they know it better not happen again. I didn't smile at the person they offended and say, "Kids will be kids". I want to say back, " Well, those kids are going to be some HORRID adults if someone doesn't teach them some manners!"

2. With no worries about finances, childcare, or travel time...where would you most want to vacation?

I would LOVE to visit Australia. But, I would want to go for a long enough period of time that we could get over the jet lag and enjoy all that there is to see. SO......a month?? Sounds good to me! I only wish we could see Steve Irwin... =(

3. If your house was in the path of a tornado and you had time to grab 3 things before the house was totally destroyed (children, husband, pets are already out) what 3 items would you grab?

Assuming that I would also be able to escape safely, my computer (with all my pics), my scrapbooks, and the kids wall portraits. These things are irreplaceable.

4. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

I had the good pleasure of being able to visit some friends for 3 whole weeks in Hawaii. We spent some time on the Big Island, and it was the most beautiful, relaxing place I have ever been. It is largely undeveloped....or should I say that it isn't overdeveloped....but there are still the modern conveniences and shopping districts that I wouldn't want to live without. The volcanoes, beaches, and waterfalls are breathtaking. While there, we hiked 10 miles into the crater of an inactive part of Mt Kilauea, and it ranks as one of the top 5 experiences of my life.

Soooooo....Big Island(probably near Kona), Hawaii. Final Answer.

5. What is your family's favorite homecooked meal?

This is tough because each person has their own favorite. But, I am going to go with my Cheesy Spaghetti recipe. This seems to be requested a lot lately.

ATTN: Toilet Abuser

2009-08-20T11:40:00.001-07:00

Dear Toilet Abuser,

Toothpaste belongs in a tube. Or on your toothbrush in pea sized amounts.

It does not belong on the counter,

In the sink, or on the floor.

It should not be smeared on the walls.

And, it should NEVER, EVER be spread on the toilet seat.

(I hope those aren't brush marks that I am seeing. I guess we are going toothbrush shopping!)

Signed,

Your Mom (A.K.A.- Really Tired of Cleaning Bathrooms)

The In-laws Are Coming! THE IN-LAWS ARE COMING!!!

2009-08-20T07:34:00.000-07:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

They will be here tomorrow.

Pray for me.

My Mother-in-Law lacks tact. And sensitivity. And mind-your-own-business-ity. And foot-in-mouth syndrome. And my opinions are the only opinions-ology.

But, she is funny. Sometimes.

And they will only be here until Sunday.

After my grandmother's visit (*shudder*), I can do anything!

And I should have LOTS to blog about after they leave!!!

On a different note....

We were at Target on Monday, and this little, old lady and her walker stopped to speak to Ava. (This little old lady was teenie tiny, looked to be in her 80's, and was wearing Nascar sweatpants. I found that to be a little odd....anyone else think that is odd??)
So, the old lady says, "Hey there. How are you?"

Ava looks at her....does a total scan of the little, old lady. And right at the point when I thought Ava was going to try to hide, she looked right at that lady, and said, (LOUD AND PROUD!!) "I just tooted!"

Mortified! I was mortified. And now, every time I remember that my in-laws are coming...... and the panic attack threatens to take over my very well-being......I take deep, calming breaths.....and think back to my precious, beautiful, sweet, lady-like daughter, announcing to the little old lady in Nascar sweatpants and ALL of Target that she had just "tooted". It makes me laugh.

Happy Birthday Eden!

2009-08-17T21:13:00.000-07:00

My beautiful girl! I will never forget the day I found out I was having a little girl! I was SO excited! I immediately started thinking about dresses and hairbows.... and pink....and purple.....and yellow....and all other things girlie!

And now you are 8!

You are a brilliant little girl. You blow my mind daily with your insight and sensitivity. Your compassion is SO beyond your years. You are very determined, and persistent. Your creativity continually amazes me. Your sense of humor is....well, HILARIOUS! You are very quick witted!You are cautious, careful. You weigh situations deeply before deciding to act.

You love your fashion. You are a natural born shopper, but always amaze me with your ability to window browse. You never beg. You always point out the things that other family members might like as well. You are SO considerate!

I love you very much, and I am SO proud to be your mom.

Two Weeks and Four Days...

2009-08-15T19:22:00.001-07:00

is how long Lane's cast has been off. Two weeks and four days. And after having it on for 8 weeks and 1 day (which was the ENTIRE summer, minus about 10 days, two weeks and four days does not seem like a long time to have been free of that nasty, stinky, smelly, itchy, sweaty, inhibiting cast. Certainly not long enough to have forgotten the six thousand dollar lesson learned. Right???!!!

Wrong.

So......Imagine my surprise when I walked outside today to see what Daddy and the kids were up to. And, I found them involved in the EXACT same activity that resulted in the broken arm in the first place. AYE!

BOYS!

Five Question Friday Blog Hop

2009-08-14T06:32:00.000-07:00

Mama M is hosting a fabulous new Blog Hop on Fridays...Five Question Friday. Five randomly, kooky questions about yourself to be answered and linked to her MckLinky each and every Friday! Sounds like fun, right?

Soooo...if you want in on all the fun, copy and paste the following questions, and use the MckLinky on Mama M's blog!!!

1. What is the most embarrassing thing your Mother-in-law has ever said to you? (Thanks Meghan, for the fun question!)

2. What would you say is your favourite thing about YOU? (I just had to spell favorite with a "u"...I like to pretend I'm British or Australian sometimes...now, excuse me while I use the loo...hopefully there is not a que!)

3. Speaking of "loos", toilet paper roll...under or over?

4. What is your most memorable childhood family vacation?

5. If you could choose one super power, what would it be?

1. What is the most embarrassing thing your Mother-in-law has ever said to you? (Thanks Meghan, for the fun question!)

There is a reason I nominated this question. I could seriously write a novel on this subject. My Mother-in-law is one of those people that lacks sensitivity. She doesn't get her feelings hurt about anything, and she doesn't think you should either. I sometimes wonder if she even knows what feelings are! (And she is also missing that part of the brain that tells you when it is time to SHUT UP!)

Soooooo......my Mother-in-Law has never made it a secret how she feels about how many kids that you (or me....or well....anybody.....because, well, we all know that everyone should share her viewpoints) should "crank out"....as she likes to call it. It's two. Two is the magic number. Especially, if the two you have are a boy and girl. Because, and I quote..."There ain't no more choices." (If I heard this once from her, I heard it 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 times!)

Shortly after I "cranked out" baby #3 (and girl #2, if you're counting), she INSISTED that I come to a Mother's Day tea at her church. Now, by shortly, I mean, like less than two weeks. I really didn't want to go. In fact, I said no. She asked again. I said I really wasn't ready to get out and do something like that. SOOOOOOO....she called my husband. Who kind of prodded me to go.

I went to this Mother's Day tea at her very-old-fashioned-Southern-Baptist -Church in the sticks, and many members of my husband's extended family were in attendance. Also present, were about 60 people, many teenagers and young girls, including Eden (who was 4.5) and Ava (2 weeks).

We played an ice breaker/get-to-know you game. Simple game. You were given a random topic, and after you introduced yourself, you had to answer your topic with a word that began with your first initial. And then introduce your daughters/granddaughters/mothers...etc.

My Mother in Law's topic was "something you don't like to do". Easy enough, right? I can think of plenty of things I don't like to do.

She says," Hi. I'm Mary Lou. And I don't like tooooooooooooooooooooooo..........."

(This is where she acted like she couldn't think of anything. People started offering suggestions, such as, mow the grass, make dinner, manage bills...and other totally mundane and dull chores.)

The light comes on. She continues...."MAKE LOVE! I don't like to make love. This is my daughter in law, Meghan, and she doesn't have ANY trouble making love. That's why she's got so many kids."

And her response was met with DEAD SILENCE.

And, that, my friends, is the very last Mother's Day tea I will ever attend.

Blame me?

No, I didn't think so. My husband doesn't blame me either.

2. What would you say is your favourite thing about YOU? (I just had to spell favorite with a "u"...I like to pretend I'm British or Australian sometimes...now, excuse me while I use the loo...hopefully there is not a que!)

Besides the fact that I just OOZE awesomeness!??!!

I think that I am spontaneous. That I can roll with the flow (unless my crazy grandma is here. She morphs me into some kind of tense, uptight, unpleasant, crazy person just waiting to snap!), and have fun with it. Not that I don't believe a clean house is important, and my house is pretty clean (I'm serious!!), it doesn't take precedence over my kids. When they are grown, they will remember all of the fun things that we did together as a family(I hope), and not the strict toilet cleaning, vacuuming, laundry schedule that we could never veer from.

Example from my OWN childhood:

My crazy grandmother would let us spend the night on Friday's (yeah....when I was a kid! I don't go have sleepovers now....), and would spend all day Saturday cleaning. She kicked us out of bed at 6:30 in the morning, because she HAD to wash our sheets AT THAT MOMENT. She used and outdoor broom and a bucket of clorox water, and bleached out her garage every Saturday morning. What!? What's that?! You don't bleach your carport and driveway every week?! Yeah....normal people don't! In fact, I am proud to say that I have NEVER bleached my carport and driveway!!! And, of course, there was the vacuuming, and the bathrooms, and the mopping, and the weeding of the flower beds. No chore ever went undone. Not even when the grandkids were there. Sad. That is what I remember from my childhood about visiting her.

My other grandmother had NO boundaries for us at her house. We could take her good silverware to the yard, dig up some dirt, and use her good pots and pans and tupperwares to cook up a mud pie in the yard. We were allowed to spraypaint stuff, make tents with her bed sheets in the backyard, play with the hose, run through the house wet, make smores over a candle, melt crayons on the stove and make our own candles.....You name it....we did it there.
Her house was still relatively clean. But, not a museum.

Which house do I have the good memories from?

I want my kids to remember FUN. Not necessarily CLEAN.

3. Speaking of "loos", toilet paper roll...under or over?

Definitely OVER. Is there any other way?

And it MUST be Kleenex Cottonelle. My tush is totally spoiled now. No other will do.

4. What is your most memorable childhood family vacation?

When I was 14, we went to Daytona Beach for the week. My best friend got to go with us. We swam and boogie boarded, and just had a great week. It was one of those vacations that you were truly sad it was over. Probably because I wasn't the one footing the bill.

5. If you could choose one super power, what would it be?

I would LOVE to be able to travel time and distance in a split second. Is that considered morphing? Teleporting? Whatever you call it, that would be the gitchiest.

Your turn!! You know you want to!!!

Peanut Pete??!!

2009-08-13T09:22:00.000-07:00

While a recent debate over where we would have dinner...(my mom and I are both indecisive about these things....so, as often as we go out, we have this argument...It does get old. She needs to make a decision!!!), Ava said she wanted to go eat at "the man with the teeth".

HUH? (I actually said this to her.)

She said, "You know!!! Peanut Pete!" In the most cartooniest, dramatic, cutesiest, high pitchiest voice I have ever heard. (Also, kind of implying that I must be an IDIOT if I didn't know who Peanut Pete was.)

I laughed my head off.

And, no. I have no idea who Peanut Pete is. Do you?

I just started a discussion in my Blog Frog forum for you to leave your funny kid stories! 1000 cool points for being the first post-er to respond. HA!

Things I Hate: Insomnia....Why do you curse me so????

2009-08-13T07:01:00.000-07:00

So....you guessed it! I could NOT sleep last night. I really wanted to. I knew my body needed it. I was bone-tired. My eyes were burning. My throat was sore (you know.....that sore throat you get when you JUST NEED SLEEP!)

I HATE Insomnia. HATE IT! Unfortunately, the only medication I have ever found that will touch a migraine (for me....I know there a lot of things out there. I have tried them ALL. Unless there is something really, really new.), causes the inability to sleep. I literally feel shaky. Even my eyeballs feel like they are bouncing up and down. Weird feeling. But, sometimes, you have to choose between a migraine or knowing that you will be able to sleep eventually (you know, after the screaming-throbbing-pain-in-your-head and the vomit-until-you-dry-heave leave you unable to hold your head up, and you pass out on the floor by the toilet).

All this is to say, that I have some pretty interesting (ok...maybe not interesting....RANDOM) thoughts run through my head as I beg myself to just quit thinking and fall asleep.

1) I don't like the wallpaper in my kitchen. It is too busy and fruity and country. I guess as far as wallpapers go, it really could be worse, but, it just isn't my style. No wallpaper is my style. I HATE wallpaper. Not sure I have the energy to take on that project, though, especially considering that this is not a house that we own.

2) I really don't get what the big deal is with Jon and Kate Plus 8. Who, exactly watches this show? Parents?! People that wish to be parents? Grandparents? Kids? I don't get the obsession. I have only watched the show about 5 times (out of curiosity as to what all the craziness was...)

Here are my observations(for whatever they are worth...):

a.) I have my own kids that yell, and scream, and squeal, and fight, and tattle, and cry, and run through the house. When I do have time to watch a show for me (that isn't some stupid, boring thing my husband has put on), I do NOT want to see kids behaving poorly. Cutely?! Maybe. And they are cute kids....but, when you have 8 kids....someone is going to be crying, yelling, screaming, squealing, tattling, etc. My kids are in bed, it is quiet in my house(for once), and I am not currently dealing with this problem. Why do I want to watch these people deal with it??!

b.) People that wish to be parents....this should be some pretty good birth control for you.

c.) Why do they recap after every commercial break?? It is a 30 minute show. Do they think that our short term memory is that short??They repeat the same thing over and over and over and over.....Example: Today is Mady's special day. Because today is Mady's special day, ________. *commercial break* So, we are headed out to Mady's special day. A special day is when just one kid gets to spend the day with Mom and Dad doing whatever they want. Today is Mady's turn. *commercial break* We are out enjoying Mady's special day. Today is Mady's special day. Special days are important. It's Mady's special day.

d.) There is NO WAY I would let my kids watch this show. They do not need ANY MORE examples of whining, crying, fighting, tattling, squealing, etc.

I really don't get the obsession with this show. All current issues totally aside.

3. Two toddlers, a 6:30 am wake up, and insomnia are a brutal combination. Even at 3 am, and in a slight delirious state, I dread the coming day.

4. Frozen Hershey kisses could be the PERFECT late night insomnia snack.

5. Wal-Mart (not my favorite place) has been the stage for many embarrassing moments for me. A bathroom emergency that resulted in my accidental use of the men's room, my 3 year old (now 9) disappeared (It was one of the most terrifying moments of my LIFE....) for what felt like an eternity, and just yesterday, my niece couldn't think of anything better to say...so she just kept saying...... "NOISE......NOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIISE......NOISE.....NOOOOOOOOIIIIIIISE!!!!!!" ........ over and over and over and over and over. All the way through the store. ALL. THE. WAY. Everyone in the store had bumped into us somewhere in the store. And giggled as we walked by. And everytime we passed by they thought, "There goes the NOISE kid again." (Yes, I am a mind reader, and that is what they thought. )

6. I watched the movie Eagle Eye the other day. My instinct....good movie. Not really possible. Anyone else seen it? Its basically about a super computer that hacks into every computer in the country (personal computers, government databases, traffic signals, bank data...etc), and then calls people from a cell phone, and uses death threats to manipulate the people into a complicated assassination ploy.

My dad absolutely believes that this is possible. He absolutely believes you could go into Circuit City, and on all the TV's in the showroom, your personal information, birth certificate, social security, bank statements, health records, private emails, digital pictures, blog entries, and social networking site profiles could be displayed by a government conspiracy for all to see.

Crazy. He will NOT get a Facebook. He is horrified that I would have one!! He would DIE if he knew I had a blog. HA!

8. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy that Paula is gone off of American Idol. I cringe every time I have to listen to her make a train wreck of a statement. Most of the time we fast forwarded through her...errrr..... thoughts (I say this very, very loosely.) Even when it is obvious that she has really tried to gather her thoughts, and come up with a cohesive critique.....well, it just sounds like it should be featured on the "This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs." commercial. It would be a great follow up. You know, provide a literal example for all the kids.

Anyhoo.....my favorite part is the bad auditions up front. It absolutely cracks me up! I know this is in TOTAL contradiction with my feelings about Paula, but, she was being paid to speak. Really. Its different. I enjoy the rest of the season, as well, but there are always a few that I am just IRRITATED that theywere put through. And that stay on. Like Bird Girl from last year. WHAT WAS THAT????? Again, train wreck! What about you guys? Bad auditions OR the finals?

I guess that is all for the randomness. There probably is more, (I know there is, but, my sleep deprived mind can't remember all the fuzzy details. It is almost, almost, like trying to remember a dream. But, you know, without the sleep. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH sleep. Can't wait for tonight!

Miss Busy Body

2009-08-12T10:49:00.000-07:00

Does everyone have a child like this?

You know...a little mama. Into everyone else's business...except her own, of course.

My Miss Busy Body, Eden, will be 8 next week. I figure it's time she had some responsibilities around here, right?

So, I asked her to make her bed. I went to dry my hair. She promptly.....made Ava's bed. But, I didn't know this, until I caught her trying to make up my bed. Did she make up her bed????? NO. Explain this!!

A few days ago, she wanted some Cheerios. Or Honey Loop Oat Rounds(or.... whatever the generic ones are called. You know...in the big bag?? You get my drift!) She asked if she could get some cereal. I said sure! She's almost 8! Right??!! So.... instead of getting the half-full, plastic cereal container....that is perfectly manageable for young hands.....she decided she is going to get the big bag, and fill up the rest of the container. Did I ask her to do that???? NO. About two minutes later (as I was eating my cereal in the dining room, and thinking she was just pouring up her cereal in the kitchen), I heard a gushing spill. Needless to say, I swept up almost half the bag, and threw it away.

This morning, she asked if I was about ready to make her lunch.

"Not yet! Be there in a minute!"

When I got to the kitchen to make her lunch, I found about 6 slices of bread on the floor in a neat pile. The bottom one was the end (who eats that part, anyway??? My mom does....she's weird! But that is a whole 'nother post!!!), so I trashed the end piece, and put the rest back. Again, did I ask her to try to make her own sandwich?? NO!! (She cried all the way to school about my making her sandwich with "floor bread", by the way!)

Ava came down the stairs a few days ago, crying, and said, "Eden spank me." Ummm, WHAT???

She calls Ava "sweetie" and "honey", and her tone is very....condescending. Pious. I'm not sure which. But, I don't call any of them those names, or use that tone. Seriously. So, I am confused by where it comes from. (T.V.? Again, whole 'nother post!)

She is constantly lecturing Lane, on everything from hygiene (which, let me just say, Eden has NO room to talk!!) to his handwriting.

I can't get her to clean up her OWN mess, but she loves getting into other people's messes, and then lecturing them about it!

I could go ON and ON and ON and ON with these examples ALL DAY!!

I really have no problem with her trying to be helpful. Really.

But, do what you are supposed to do, before you take on someone else's job.

And, you are NOT the MAMA!

ATTN: Toilet Abuser...Additional Rules

2009-08-11T10:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Ava:

Thank you SO much for your recent compliance with the bathroom standards set forth here, and here.

Please relay these rules to your cousin. Thank you in advance for your efforts.

In addition, also let Kyla know that:

We do NOT pee anywhere but the toilet. This includes, but is not limited to her pants, the floor, the closet, the carpet, the bathtub, the carseat, the couch, the dining room table, etc.

We do NOT poop anywhere but the toilet.

We do NOT run upstairs to poop in our pants in private.

We do NOT wait until naptime to poop in our naptime diaper as soon as the attending adult leaves the room.

We especially do NOT poop in our pants when Aunt Meghan is the attending adult. We should wait until Mimi gets home from work.

Please be advised that these new policies are effective immediately.

Thanks

TOO MUCH Family Togetherness...

2009-08-11T08:58:00.001-07:00

...has been known to cause nervous breakdowns, the likes of which are not comparable to any other nerve-wrecking event.

My last 2 posts have been vague on the crazy family drama...but I am really starting to believe that my family could be a top contender for America's nuttiest family.

Last week, my mom and 2 year old niece came to visit for two weeks. I am very excited and happy that they are still here.

But the crazy train, in all its glory, pulled into the station on Thursday... when my grandmother(who we call Mamaw) arrived. (Thankfully, she left for home yesterday, and my sanity is slowly-but-surely returning.

It ALL started with directions. She has been bugging my mom for a month to mail her the directions to MY house. Now...we have only moved to this home, in this region, within the last three months, and, the visit we are currently involved in is the first time my mom has been here. Did my grandmother ask ME for directions? NO. But...whatever. How hard is Mapquest??

Well, according to Mamaw...Mapquest was wrong. My mom was wrong. We are ALL wrong and we ALL heard ALL about it for 5 days. I must say....I am amazed that she made it to my exit.

The directions said "Take Exit 44 and then turn LEFT."

Mamaw turned RIGHT.

She still doesn't get what she did wrong. ...

So, we had to go find her. Only she didn't know where she was. Just at a Shell station. I asked if she would go into the gas station and ask for the address(or at the VERY least...the town she was in). NOOOOOOO....she started telling me. You just go down past the interstate and there is a Chevron across the street from me. YOU don't even know where YOU are. How are YOU going to tell ME how to get there??????!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Which would almost make me feel sorry for her. Except for the fact that she was SO belligerent and ANGRY, that she never quit YELLING about the directions being WRONG long enough to see what she did wrong.

My husband thinks we should get her a Garmin. Really? She can't even operate her cell phone! Really??!! It would either (A) go totally unused, or (B) cause her to run into a pole, when the nice lady says turn right NOW. Because she would take it literally ya'll. There would be no room for interpretation.

SO, then she started a North-South-East-West debate. We were driving North. The sun was setting in the west. Mamaw points out that the sun was setting in the west, that we must be going south because the sun was to the left of us, then got angry and said that my built in compass on my Tahoe was WRONG. (I can't even do this story justice in writing, ya'll. You seriously, seriously had to be in my car with me to understand my pain. And my mom's. She had to grow up with this. It really is remarkable that she is sane. This argument continued for about 30 minutes. I was SCREAMING internally. I was really about to pull hairs out of my head.)

Something about my grandmother....she has ALWAYS tried to be secretive about you... behind your back. Especially to your OWN children. For example....she has ALWAYS talked bad about my father to me. My aunt and uncle have recently divorced, and she is ALWAYS trying to milk info out of my cousins(who range in age from 9 to 16!!!) That is just WRONG!!!

So, of course, tradition continues. She bashed my parenting to my mom, and to my kids. Lane has a thin enamel on his baby teeth, and as a result, has had many cavities, including a pulpation and a silver cap. My girls do not have this problem and have never had a cavity. The dentist, who IS qualified and certified to provide HIS opinion of such things to me, has said that this is NOT the result of poor dental hygiene or diet. There are SOME preventative measures that we can take (no juice or sticky foods...which we follow, strictly. I mean, really, I don't want the dental bills!!! That kid is expensive!!!), but he will have cavities in his baby teeth. Thankfully, his permanent teeth seem to be very healthy. She gave Lane a whispered lecture about how his mom should have taken better care of his teeth, and that he had better do a better job of keeping his teeth clean if he doesn't want to have them all pulled out!!

Ummmm....EXCUSE ME??????

She also felt the need to speak with my mother about this as well. Did she ever mention it to me? NO.

Sunday night, my husband wanted to know if a certain shirt that he wanted to wear the next day was clean. It wasn't, so he and I(together) separated the laundry together, and he went and turned on the washing machine, while I started bathing 4 kids(my own 3 and my niece).

Apparently, and I overheard part of the whispered conversation, Mamaw wanted to know if BJ get tired of ALWAYS having to do the laundry. What??!! He started the washing machine. There are many, many more steps involved in doing the laundry. That is just one. I put them in the dryer....and I folded them and put them away. Seems to me, he got off pretty easy. Especially seeing how HE was the one who wanted a load of laundry done in the first place. He had other clean clothes to wear. If he wants to be picky, and has to have his special NIKE sweat and stank drying shirt(that he stunk up on Saturday evening) for Monday morning, then he should start the laundry. He should be thankful I finished the rest of it.

Oh, and I don't know if I have told you, but my family is, according to Mamaw, the unhealthiest family in the world. We don't eat appropriately (even when eating exactly what she eats), and I do not prepare healthy foods (even when preparing recipes that were passed down from her...) and, I am irresponsible for NOT giving my children juice. Even if that IS doctor (well, dentist) recommended. Mamaw says there is NO difference in them having a piece of fruit and a glass of water, than there is in giving them juice. I disagree. There is a cups worth of sugar difference! And even still, if you REALLY believe that, then what problem is it, really, that you have with my giving my children an apple and and some water at snack time. Really??

She pitched a fit (behind my back...but Eden told me) about me having a hair appointment....on a SUNDAY.( *GASP* Sunday is the Lord's Day. We should be resting! Or washing my spoiled husband's laundry...yeah. I am bitter. Are you just catching on to this??? FYI: My hair appointment was EXTREMELY restful. I was rested. My ears were rested....from her incessant preaching!)

Sunday evening, I came home to cook dinner (Yeah, this has to be done, even on Sunday!)
BJ really wanted pizza. For the 3rd day in a row, he asked to go to the Mellow Mushroom. So, I smirked, and said that if my mom and grandmother were agreeable to that, then that would be fine. They both agreed, with my grandmother even saying enthusiastically "I like pizza!" We got to the Mellow Mushroom, and sat down. Starting looking over the menus, and trying to decide which kind of pizza everyone wanted. When Mamaw starts pitching a fit about not being able to eat tomato sauce. WHAT?? WHAT IN THE &^%%$@$#&^@*^$ do you think is on PIZZA!!??? AND WHY ARE YOU JUST NOW MENTIONING THIS???(Especially since I made a cheesy spaghetti on Thursday night, and she asked for the recipe!) So we are suggesting stromboli, trying to explain what that is, she is interrupting....whatever. It was a frustrating experience. Seriously. Frustrating. Experience. The guy at the table next to us was having shots. I was seriously jealous. Very. Jealous. I started to go and sit at the table with him. The lady behind us started talking to my mom about our family, and how nice it must be to have four generations together for a visit. She told us to enjoy our special time together. Ummmmm....NOT POSSIBLE!!

All she did the ENTIRE time she was here was COMPLAIN...COMPLAIN....COMPLAIN. And argue about how right she is...and how WRONG everyone else is.

My mom was commenting about my cousins, and how much they had grown up, and Mamaw actually said that the 9 year old (who probably weighs 70 pounds...is tall and skinny as a twig) is thick and going to be just as fat and shapeless as her mama. WHAT???!!! She is your grandchild. Inappropriate, much??

This whole post has really been nothing more than a rant. I really had to get that out.

This really is cheaper than therapy.

I'm On the Crazy Train!!

2009-08-06T20:36:00.000-07:00

Wondering where I have been??!!

Me TOO!!!

Last week, I was at my mom's all week.

Then, she and my potty-training niece came home with me for two weeks.

My grandmother came in today.

The CRAZY train is moving on down the tracks.

I have politely asked the DRAMA to GO AWAY.

It has NOT LISTENED!!!!!!!

Pray for my sanity. Seriously.

The Jerry Springer show was for real. I now BELIEVE that!!

Real post to come. I know you are waiting on baited breath!!!!!

Crazy Family

2009-07-23T21:38:00.000-07:00

I think I have discovered that just about everyone thinks that their family is crazy.

Mine really is.

I actually used to believe that my family was normal.

Both parents, still together....church every Sunday... Home cooked meal every night with the whole family at the table...backyard baseball games....Deep conversations....

Boy, was I wrong.

I used to believe that the people on Jerry Springer were actors.

I think my family could fit in there now.

I think I am in the twilight zone.

I think that at least 2 members of my immediate family (in generations parallel and preceding my own) need some serious psychiatric intervention.

I am SO over it.

Some people need to grow up, accept responsibility for their actions, and start taking some steps forward in their own lives, instead of blaming everyone else for the problems that they have created for themselves. Quit lying to yourself, and quit lying to me. Quit holding your hand out for more. Help yourself....here's a hint....If you don't like the direction your life is going, turn around and go a different way. Just a suggestion. Quit being a bunch of mooches. GROW UP!

Quit dragging the rest of us down.

Or, we all might need psychiatric intervention before too long.

Piddle Puddle

2009-07-23T21:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Ava,

I am glad that you read my latest notice regarding the usage rights of my bathroom. Unfortunately, I believe you missed the part where I said "choose another toilet".

I thank you for respecting my wishes that you not use my toilet. I do, however, wish that you would use a toilet. It is not acceptable to just pee on the floor.

Thank you.

Tired of cleaning up human waste (A.K.A.- your mother)

Attention: Toilet Abuser...FINAL NOTICE

2009-07-22T20:07:00.000-07:00

Attention: Toilet Abuser

You have not responded to my previous request that you use your own bathroom. In fact, you have continued to abuse the toilet in my bathroom, and it has grown increasingly worse by the day!!

After finding a toilet full of nastiness this afternoon (SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad, I made sure the plunger was in my hand before I even attempted to flush), "number two" smeared ALL OVER MY TOILET SEAT, and a puddle of piddle on the floor, I must insist that you cease and desist effective immediately.

New rule....No one under the age of *my age* is allowed into my bathroom. If this rule is broken, the new rule will be that no one under the age of *my age* is allowed into my bedroom. If that rule is broken......well.......then you can live in the shed behind the house.

Thank you.

WHAT DID I JUST DO????!!!!!!

2009-07-22T11:09:00.000-07:00

I just had a HUGE I-cannot-believe-I-just-did-that moment!!

I was minding my own business, baking brownies and labeling school supplies in the kitchen...keeping an eye on the clock because it was coming up on the time to go pick Lane and Eden up from their camp at school. I was getting ready to go...it was about 10 minutes til time to pick them up, and they were only 2 minutes away.

The phone rang.

I saw the caller I.D.

It was my husband.

He said, "GO PICK UP THE KIDS!"

And, it hit me. The power had gone out a few days ago. The clock on the stove is wrong. I am thirty minutes late picking up my kids. AND BJ KNOWS!!!!

I will never hear the end of this!!!

And, to be honest, I feel really, really badly about it. Poor kids!! They were embarrassed....I am embarrassed. At least we can be together in our embarrassment.

OR NOT!

They aren't going to let me hear the end of it, either!!!

Not My Child! Monday

2009-07-20T12:33:00.001-07:00

Lane did NOT do a disappearing act at church this week. It did NOT take over an hour to find him, because none of the other kids knew where he was, and he wasn't where he was supposed to be. I was NOT about to call the police when I found him, and I was NOT instantly relieved, followed immediately by a fury that made me want to first hug him, and then beat him within an inch of his life. Instead, I did NOT take away all video games and TV for the day. And he did NOT sulk because of it.

Eden did NOT put all of her newly laundered, folded clothes into the dirty clothes hamper so that she wouldn't have to put them away. We take our laundry seriously in this house. Remember, I AM the laundry aficionado, and she comes by her laundry affinity honestly.

Ava did NOT barge into my bathroom while I was on the toilet, and attempt to pull me off, stating emphatically "IT"S MY TURN! GET UP!"

She also did NOT see some people of Asian descent in Target this week, and yell out "CHINESE!" and point at them.

Lane and Eden did NOT manage to go to day camp at their school today without their hair brushed.

When Lane asked me if he could play a video game this week, I did NOT ask a question of him in return. I did NOT ask if he had brushed his teeth at all that day. He did NOT tuck his head down in shame, and say "no". It was NOT 4:00 pm.

Eden, at nearly 8 years old, does NOT still suck on her finger. I did NOT decide yesterday that enough was enough, and go to the store in search of thumb-sucking deterrent. She did NOT throw a tantrum when it was time to put it on her finger, and my husband did NOT have to hold her down while I brushed it on. I did NOT say to her that it was only fitting that she was behaving like such a baby, since only babies sucked on their fingers anyway.

Ava did NOT learn how to give a wet willie this week. She did NOT decide that since she couldn't get her yucky finger in mine or Eden's ear, to give herself the wet willie.

My kids are NOT hilarious, and they do NOT get mad when I laugh at them.

Head on over to MckMama's for this special edition of Not Me! Monday, and see what everyone else's kids have NOT been doing this week.

Wet Willie Weirdo

2009-07-18T13:41:00.000-07:00

Ava has recently learned the "art" of the Wet Willie. Disgusting, I know, but one of the many rites of passage of childhood.

So, she sucked on her finger, got it good and slimy, and came after me. I successfully blocked her efforts. Sensing that there was no way possible she would be able to put her finger in my ear, she decided to locate her next victim. She made a move toward Eden. Eden was also able to avoid the spit-covered finger.

Seeing no more available receivers of the slimy finger, and not wanting a perfectly good slobbery finger going to waste, Ava decided to give the wet willie to...........herself.

Crazy girl!!!

Attention: Toilet Abuser!!!

2009-07-18T11:41:00.000-07:00

Attention: Whichever child o' mine that continues to use my toilet. Without flushing. Daily. Even though I have asked repeatedly that you use another bathroom. My bathroom is for me. And I actually pee in the toilet, not in all surrounding areas.

I understand that you don't want to use your own bathroom. I wouldn't want to use your bathroom, either! (I do clean it often, but after one use, it's shot!) But there are two others. Please choose one of these toilets. Or, just use yours. I got it just for you kids! That way, all the nastiness can be contained in one room...and my bathroom can remain sacred.

Thanks.

P.S.- Ava,

Since I am pretty sure you are the toilet abuser, please refrain from coming into the bathroom when I am using it. Do not ask me to get up. There is no such thing as taking turns with toilets. You have your own. I will not share mine.

Thank you.

Monopoly Requires Marital Counseling

2009-07-17T18:50:00.000-07:00

Some couples should not play competitive board games. Should. Not. Ever. I dare say, my husband and I are one such couple who should not play board games. Ever.

It all started innocently enough. We were playing Monopoly as a family. Having a great time....laughing at each other's jokes....great conversation. I was pretty much dominating the game, but BJ was a close second. Eden, poor girl, was loo-hoo-hoo-hoo-zing (**channeling Jim Carrey**). Badly. She landed on BJ's wildly developed property, and was pretty much out of money, and all 4 of her properties were mortgaged. She was SOOOOOOO darn cute and upset.....I actually felt bad for her. Then....BJ pointed out that I had enough money to help her out. She should sell me a property for $2000. She looked at me with those sad eyes , and poked out her lip (just enough to make me feel bad without annoying me) and asked if I would buy her $60 property for $2000. I felt bad for her, and wanted her to be able to keep playing...so in a moment of compassion (and completely against my extremely competitve nature), I did it. Which put me down to $900 and some change. And the game went downhill from there.

BJ gained momentum, and was relentless against the kids. Once he had eliminated Lane and Eden (and tricked them into selling him their properties for ridiculously low amounts of money), he won the HUGE pot of money. I am SO not kidding....he played against the 9 and 7 year old as if they were adults, and then made me feel bad if I didn't help them (even saying stuff like "You could still play if Mommy will help you!!)

Needless to say, the game ended, and he won. Fairly....not so much. He played relentlessly...but antagonized me to play compassionately. And then just antagonized me for no reason.

I lost my temper. I am still mad. I will still be mad tomorrow. I will still be mad the next time he suggests a board game.

He did make me laugh when he threatened to call our new pastor to set up marriage counseling.

I guess we aren't a lost cause.

But, no more board games.

War and Peace Treaties ( With Civialian Casualties)

2009-07-16T22:01:00.000-07:00

This morning, I was peacefully dreaming in a land where all is quiet ..... when suddenly.....a war broke out! There were bombs going off(kids jumping and running on the second floor, directly above my bedroom), soldiers screaming and clawing and biting and kicking and yelling and taunting (Lane and Eden, fighting amongst themselves), and an innocent bystander screaming in terror while being trampled at the scene of a grisly battle (Ava, being woken up as unpleasantly as I was, by the LOUD fighting of her siblings).

Trying to block out the ugly sounds and drift back to the beautiful, peaceful land in my dreams, I rolled over and shut my eyes tighter. And then they were on my back. They took me as a prisoner of war. The tattling began. What torture it was!!!

Eden: "I was using the toothpaste and he took it from me...."
Lane: "But I had it first, and she took it in her room...."
Eden:"Shut up, you don't even brush your teeth, you were just trying to take it from me...."

I really lost track at this point, because the civilian casualty had made her way into my room, screaming bloody murder!!

So, I drew up a peace treaty, consoled the innocent civilian, and imposed sanctions....all before breakfast.

What a fabulous way to start the day....NOT!!!

Pixies, Pedicures, and Pickle-Pops

2009-07-16T20:24:00.001-07:00

Pixies

Our family went to The Happiest Place on Earth a few weeks ago, and all Ava wanted to do was hold Tinkerbell's hand. Granted, she had NO idea what to expect. As many times as I have been to Disney, I have never seen a real live Tinkerbell. Have you? No, I didn't think so. I really didn't want to dissappoint her....but I just didn't see it happening.

Glad I was wrong...

Her absolute favorite movie is Mary Poppins (another character that I am certain I have never actually seen there), so we were pleasantly surprised when we saw her in the afternoon parade...

....and so excited when she came over to say "Hello" to the kids during the Spectra Magic parade that I didn't even get a picture. Ava has NOT stopped talking about meeting Mary Poppins; but she was pretty upset that Jane and Michael weren't with her.

We rode ALL the rides...

And, Lane, even with a broken arm, attempted to pull the sword from the stone...

Overall, it was a great day!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pedicures

Eden's pedicure went well......although I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO dissappointed....they didn't pumice!!! I really, really wanted to see her squirm!!!

Ever the diva, Eden watched the nail stylist VERY closely, to make sure she was following instructions...

Under the dryer with her pink and white polka dots!

I love me some girlie time!!!!!

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Pickle-Pops

Pickle-Pops??!! What in the world is a pickle-pop???!!! A pickle on a stick?? A frozen pickle? A newly discovered disgusting form of Soda??

NOOOOOOO.......it is SO much nastier than these suggestions! A pickle-pop is...........wait for it....wait for it......

Frozen-pickle-juice-on-a-stick!!!

Sounds like a delightfully refreshing summertime treat, right? RIGHT???!!

Yeah....I didn't think so.

My kids, on the other hand, think that pickle-pops are the next best thing since sliced bread!!

Things I Hate: TV Info-mercial Products

2009-07-15T17:45:00.000-07:00

I thought that I would pay homage to the late Billy Mays, and highlight some of the products that he, so famously, promoted {and some that he(who could blame him?) did not.}

The Snuggie

What a ridiculous concept!!! If you are cold, and need the use of your arms, WEAR A SWEATSHIRT!!! You can be warm, with the added benefit of NOT looking completely stupid! I don't know offhand who designed these poncho-inspired-blanket-sweaters, but, really, these people should really, really, really go to fashion design school. Especially if they are calling their new patterns "designer" colors. Because, as you and I both know, fake-looking-leopard-print on cheap fleece can hardly be called a designer color. I am ASHAMED to say that I saw this product in Target the other day. Ashamed for Target, that is.

The Topsy Turvy

These hideously-patterned canvas planters are an eyesore. I kinda get the usefulness...after all, I have been to the Epcot exhibit that has all the beautiful veggies that are growing upside down.

But, did they have to make the actual container so darn UGLY!!! And do my neighbors really need three of them hanging from their front porch??? With NO...that's right, NO....plants suspended from them. No living plants anyway....the dead, wilted sticks that used to be tomato plants remain. What an attractive sight it is!! (Obviously, my neighbors either A) have a black thumb, or B) do not invest the same amount of time or energy into their "garden" as Epcot. I have a feeling that the answer is B....buying a Topsy Turvy is not a guarantee to healthy tomatoes!! Water is STILL required.

The Touch and Brush

Wow. I get tired of toothpaste on the counter, like every other mom. But I am not so naive to believe that this would be the answer to all my bathroom counter problems.Somehow, my kids would find a way to make a mess with this product. Not to mention, who wants to stick their toothbrush into the same little hole that everyone else's toothbrush has been in. It hardly seems sanitary. EW!

Mighty Putty

This product is just NOT even believable to me. I do not believe that this product will stop water leaks. And if you want to use it as a coffee mug handle, you should do so at your own risk. If you want to trust Mighty Putty to hold up a cup of scalding hot liquid from falling onto your lap...I would think you were pretty dumb.

Sorry! Just call them as I see them!

Not to mention, you can buy a brand new coffee mug from your friendly neighborhood Walmart for about a dollar.

You do the math...

$1.00 = brand new coffee mug with perfectly undamaged handle

$19.95 = broken coffee mug patched with a clay handle

Mighty Tape

From the makers of Mighty Putty...this product is possibly more believable in a pinch. But I don't think I would trust it to keep my oxygen supply free of water while Scuba Diving....

Just sayin'!!!

Space Bags

Do not work. Do. NOT. WORK. I bought one a few years ago (when I was younger and more naive!!), and attempted to store some things. Probably about half of the amount of things they try to show you in the info-mercial. The zipper would NOT stay closed. The air would not leave the bag. I found it to be an extremely frustrating experience.

Water Globes

This is one product that I MAY like to try. Not sure it would work, but, it is a nice concept.

Oxi-Clean

Ah, Billy Mays. I have used many of the products in the Oxi-Clean line. But, the commercials are misleading. It does not whiten in a minute...

But, then again, my son's socks MAY BE a lost cause.

The "Yes" Mom Challenge

2009-07-15T16:25:00.000-07:00

So, apparently, I am a little late getting in on this.

And, apparently, I am a little late realizing that I should be doing this already.

Better late than never. Right??

I stumbled upon a blog last night that has inspired and convicted me. It was "The Yes Mom Challenge". It posed the following question:

How often do my children ask me (half-of-a) question, and I say "NO!" before they even finish speaking?

I thought about that for a minute, and being honest with myself, decided that this was the case most of the time. SAD!!!

Kid: "Mom, can I go outside and (Me: "NO!") play?"

Kid: "Mom, can we watch a movie and eat (Me: "NO!") popcorn?"

Kid: "Mom, can we go inside McDonald's and (Me: "NO!") play?"

Kid: "Mom, will you play a game with (Me: "NO!") me?"

These are just a few examples of me, being selfish, and answering "NO!" without really even registering the question. I am not even listening to them....much less considering their request!

It just struck me, how selfish I had become.

None of these requests were extreme...in fact, most were fairly simple. It only meant that my agenda would be interrupted a little, and may create some mess to be cleaned up. But, what could it hurt, really?

Even sadder, the older two kids have stopped asking me to play with them on a regular basis. WOW!!

So, I have determined to be more of a "Yes!" mom, and less of a "NO!" mom. I have determined to listen to my children, and spend quality time with them everyday. I have determined to ask them what they would like to do each day.

This doesn't mean that I would (or should) say "Yes!" to every request...but it does mean that I will consider their requests before automatically saying "NO!"

I invite you to take part in this challenge with me! Let's let our kids dig in the dirt! Let's have a picnic in the living room! Let's drag out the puzzle with 1000 pieces! Let's play with our kids! Let's be less self-absorbed!!! Let's let our kids be kids!!

I used to be a "Yes" mom. I used to spend hours a day, simply playing with my kids. Nine years and three kids have changed that. Somewhere along the way, I forgot what kind of parent I wanted to be; but, I am hoping that I will be able to revert back easily.

So, today, we have played Dominos, Monopoly, had yogurt and fruit for lunch (I originally said "NO!", but decided that it was a healthy option, and allowed it.), and made a game of our chores (The kids really got into this!!)! I was rewarded with smiles and laughter, and memories of a great afternoon. Everyone pitched in on the cleaning, and fun was had by all. The laundry aficionado that I am totally forgot to do any laundry today....but, my kids won't remember that....or probably even know about it at all.

Speaking of Pec-ahns...

2009-07-11T07:59:00.000-07:00

Head on over to Jennifer's blog for a FABULOUS giveaway!!! It's a chance to win some delectable pe-cahns (in a flavor of your choosing) from Priester's. De-lish!! Thank you, Jennifer, for your vote towards the correct pronounciation(Meghan-1, B.J.-zip). While you are at it, please vote(in the comment section of my previous post), for my(or your...whichever you prefer!) pronounciation of pecan!!!

We are on our way to a fabulous Saturday...the guys are playing video games, Eden has just graced us with her "I-just-woke-up" presence, and Ava is still down for the count. We are all still in our jammies (yeah, yeah!! I know it is 10:00; but, this is rare, and I am RELISHING in the experience!!)

Eden and I are about to head out for some girlie time pedicures(she always goes, but has never had one.....today just might be the day!!! The salon here has the cutest little girl pedi chairs that you will ever see!! And, on a completely devious level, I absolutely cannot wait to see the look on her face when they scrub her foot with the pumice...I am giggling just thinking about it!!), and then I am going up to the new church to help set up for VBS. I got volunteered to help...which was fine, as I thought it would be a great way to meet people. And then I got volunteered to teach. Not quite what I had in mind...I mean, we have been going to this church for a month!!! But I am a go-with-the-flow kind of girl....sooooooooooo...I will be teaching the Kindergarten class!!!(My husband is LAUGHING at me!!!!I still don't even have my teaching packet.)

Well, my jammie time has come to its end. Got to get bu-say!!

Pecan or Pecan???

2009-07-10T20:57:00.000-07:00

Settle this debate for me, please!!

My husband insists that the word is pronounced "pee-can"....with a short "a" sound.

I, on the other hand (like any good southern girl), believe it is pronounced "pecahn"....with and AHH sound.

What do you think???

In other news, (and, also, on opposite spectrums) we adopted a kitten this week. But, this is merely the ending of a VERY strange journey.

In the beginning of the week, there was an ad on Craigslist stating that the neighboring county had an overabundance of kittens...to please come and adopt them, or they would be forced to put many down. I checked their hours (8:30-4:30) and headed that way, with the three kiddos in tow. We got there at 4:00. (It is important to note: This facility is run by the local government. Yes, folks, OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK!!!)

The gate was closed, but the parking lot was full. Full of cars, and full of people. Lots and lots of people. LAZY people. People that were employees(OF THE COUNTY!!) After standing at the gate for 10 minutes, a guy(*thug*) sauntered lazily over to the gate and proceeded to tell me that they were closed. (Umm...that isn't what your website said!!!!) Apparently, they really weren't all that concerned with me, or my time, or their actual hours,or the fact their neon sign was flashing "OPEN", or their animals(that were, by their own advertisement, going to be "put down".) So we left...kids crying...me furious...and made the 45 minute drive home.

On the way home, we decided to stop in Petsmart. I didn't figure that they would have any animals there, but thought maybe they would have some advertisements for people. They, instead, had an adoption center for the county that we actually live in. So we browsed. Played with a few kitties...and the kids fell in love with one. In this county(AGAIN:TAX DOLLARS AT WORK!!!!!), you have to fill out an application, provide current and past vet information, ages of your children, phone numbers, employers, pets owned within the last ten years, height and weight, social security number, references, type of food you intend to feed this pet, number of hairs on your butt...etc, etc... COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY RIDICULOUS. After they reviewed my application, I received a phone call (a few days later). At this time, I was told that I needed to establish myself with a vet, and prepay for the kitten's first visit(ummm...excuse me?? You haven't even approved my "application" yet!!!) The first kitten visit was described to me as comparable to a well-baby check for my children. I was interrogated about all kinds of things (including whether or not I would allow this kitten to go outside...They prefer that their animals never breathe fresh air....It's not a safe environment outdoors for animals.) , and then told that once I had established myself with a vet, they would need to complete a HOME STUDY before they could place an animal with our family.

Are you kidding me?

I mean, seriously!! I am all about people taking their jobs seriously...but this really, really seems like overkill. Is it just me?? We are paying these people's salaries!!! Is a happy medium really too much to ask?? I mean, we have the Inefficient-Lazies-Just-Collecting-A-Paycheck... or the Overzealous-Cat-Lady-On-A-Mission.

Needless to say, I got back on Craiglist, and was able to quickly locate a very sweet little kitten that we have named Berrie.

Not Me! Monday

2009-07-06T05:52:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This morning, I am NOT embarrassed to take Lane and his filthy, nasty, smelly cast to the doctor. I know that the doctor does NOT see such filth on a daily basis, and thus is NOT phased by it. ( I, on the other hand, REALLY am phased by it, because....it's disgusting. He is a 9 year old boy, in 100 degree weather, with a cast up to his armpit. Do the math...(or...science???? I am NOT sure what that would be classified as...))

I was NOT tempted to pour baking soda, or baby powder, or foot deodorant, or ANYTHING that might reduce the smell into...said cast.

I did NOT wake up this morning to realize that, yet again, I had forgotten to switch the laundry into the dryer. My laundry is NEVER sour!!! I am a laundry aficionado. No one EVER runs out of socks or underwear in this house. Really. Or...not really. I'm confused....

I did NOT forget that my daughter threw up in her carseat at the beginning of our 7 hour road trip home. I did NOT forget to launder her carseat (like I said...LAUNDRY AFICIONADO!!!). My car did NOT remain in the driveway unused for several days, after which, I did NOT discover that vomit that has been in the scorching hot car......smells a little like Lane's cast.
This carseat is NOT still in my car, in its vomit-covered form.

I did NOT get so upset with my kids this week (for their NEVERENDING public restroom "needs") that I put things back on the shelf and walked out of a store, taking them straight home. I am always attentive to my kids needs. And my kids would NOT lie about needing to go potty in order to provide a distraction. Ahem.

Finally, I am NOT writing this post while I should be blow-drying my hair and getting my kids ready for the doctor's appointment.

She Draws The Line At Porta-Potty...

2009-07-05T12:30:00.000-07:00

I didn't know it was possible. I really didn't. But, I am SO pleased to announce that I have found a public restroom (although, in my opinion, it is an extremely poor excuse for a public restroom!!) that my child does NOT want to visit.

In fact, Ava flat out refused to use the porta-potty. She literally climbed up my body, all the way to my neck, and began to choke the very breath out of my body, screaming bloody murder, as if I was beating her inside of the porta-potty (As if that would even be possible...I don't know how we were both in there together...without touching anything. And her tantrum was making it difficult to remain centered in the teeny-tiny water closet-o'-nastiness!! Have I mentioned that I am clostrophobic? And that I HATE public restrooms? And that the porta-potty is in a class ALL it's own, located far, far, FAR beneath gas station bathrooms? Well, it is.).

My beautiful daughter actually suggested that she would pee OUTSIDE on the ground, or in her pants before she would use the porta-potty. It's good to know that my daughter has standards!!

For other Public Restroom Adventures, click here.

Blog Hop Dating Ad (Kidding!!)

2009-07-03T06:35:00.000-07:00

***This is the Daily Drama!! I am a wife and a Mama to 3 beautiful children. My oldest is a boy, Lane, who is 9. The girls are Eden, 7, and Ava, 3.

I firmly believe that comedy just, well, happens. And, someone needs to write it all down. This blog is a creative outlet for me, and a journal-of-sorts for my kids(You know, we may need documented proof of certain embarrassing events....).

We have recently moved to a new area, and know NOBODY(well, we have met a few people, but, it's becoming a LONG summer.)***

I like sunsets, Diet Coke, and long walks on the beach(Oh....sorry, this isn't supposed to be a dating ad!)!! HAHA!!! But, for the record, I do like those things. Dislikes are public restrooms, grocery shopping, and seeing shoes in the road /p>

Things I Hate: Public Restroom Edition

2009-07-02T13:13:00.000-07:00

I would say, " Don't even get me started!" But I am on a rant, so I am already started. So, buckle up, people! We are going on a ride!

I LOATHE public restrooms. LOATHE! I ABHOR public restrooms! When I was younger, I trained my body to only have bathroom urges before and after school. I really can't remember EVER using the bathroom at school. EVER. I remember one time that I took a social trip into the bathroom...you know, girls can't go alone....but, that was MOST DEFINITELY the last social trip, because someone had pooped on the floor!!!!! Right in the doorway to the girls' bathroom. Oh, you cannot make this stuff up!

There is nothing glamorous....or even remotely intriguing...about a public bathroom, in my opinion. They are a cesspool of disease and germs and awful smells. Only in the case of an extreme emergency should you resort to using a public restroom. They are a disgusting, horrendous atrocity to be avoided at ALL COSTS!!!

SOOOOOOO....WHY DIDN"T SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO MY CHILDREN????????!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, they seem to need to visit EVERY bathroom of EVERY establishment that we EVER have the displeasure of visiting. Is this NORMAL?????!!!!

Lane(9) runs into the men's room before I can stop him, and, of course, he, like another man I know(ahem), feels the need to spend 30 minutes on the toilet. In a PUBLIC BATHROOM. First of all, gross. Secondly, I can't go in the men's bathroom to check on him. And my imagination starts to run wild. So, here I am, pacing outside the men's room, trying to decide how much longer I give him before I go marching in there to investigate the situation. I mean, there are some freaky people in the world. If you catch my drift....I know, I know...I can't make him go with me in the girl's bathroom forever...but....I HATE PUBLIC BATHROOMS!!!!

And Eden? Well, Eden (7) likes to wait until you have 200 dollars worth of groceries unloaded onto the conveyor belt(after you have shopped for an hour and a half, and stood in line for 20 minutes) before she declares that it is an emergency and she is going to have an accident if she doesn't get to go right then.

My three year old knows where the bathroom is in every restaurant and store within a 30 mile radius. As long as we have been there once before, the bathroom is ON HER RADAR. She pitched a FIT within moments of entering Kohl's the other day. She remembered that they had a child sized toilet.

As a general rule, when we are out to eat, my children are not allowed to go to the bathroom during the meal(because, let's face it...I know my kids, and I know that their bathroom"emergency" is actually a diversionary tactic used to get out of eating.). But, we were out with my grandmother, and she insisted that I should not make them wait to use the bathroom. In front of them. Well, now that they knew that they had a sympathetic ear, it was OVER. They poured on the drama. So, I gave in, and took Ava(3) to the bathroom. Immediately upon entering said bathroom, she says, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...this is CUTE!!!"

Excuse me? CUTE???

I HATE PUBLIC BATHROOMS!!!!!!!

For Love of Reading...

2009-07-02T07:41:00.001-07:00

I have loved a good book for longer than I can even remember. I have always been able to completely escape into a story, feeling all of the ups and downs, setbacks and triumphs, unshakeable faith and crippling doubts of each character deeply. The book can be a classic novel, a Christian romance(my personal favorite), a child's book, or even someone's blog; I am always sucked in emotionally, and the story comes alive.

The problem is that when I do get sucked in, I CAN"T STOP!!! I will read and read and read and read and read until I feel like my eyes are going to explode. Once I crack a book, I am not likely to stop until I have finished the final chapter. The same goes with blogs, back-reading entry by entry(many times while sobbing my eyes out!!) This is not good, as I have 3 children and, you know, actual responsibilities.

Sooooo, last night, I did it again. This time in the form of the latest Karen Kingsbury book. I read until 3:45 in the morning, and became frustrated when I realized that it had a cliffhanger ending. And I will have to wait until next SPRING to get the answers I so desperately wanted!!!! UGH!

To Grandmother's House We Go: The Pros and Cons Edition

2009-06-21T12:49:00.001-07:00

The kids and I are leaving tomorrow to visit my grandmother for a few days. There are Pros and Cons that accompany this visit (as with just about any situation that we experience). here are a few of them listed here for your viewing pleasure:

Pro- Plenty of good homestyle cooking, including a full 3-4 course breakfast.

Con- A meal is barely complete before we have to have the next meal fully planned and prepped. We may, literally, spend ALL DAY in the kitchen. Breakfast is served as soon as my grandmother is awake. And if you aren't awake yet, you will be, as her kitchen turns into the set of "Bring in the noise, Bring in the Funk." (For those of you who don't know what this is, it is a Broadway musical in which they use found objects(i.e.-pots and pans and spoons and trash cans, etc.) to create intricate and LOUD rythms.) I have already endured two phone calls spanning 2.5 hours discussing what we do and do not like to eat. I have assured her that she does NOT need to go to any trouble, as we are not picky, and will eat whatever is served. But, that is not her nature. Instead, she is obsessed with menu preparations, and has already been to the grocery store(after she called my mother and questioned her about our dietary preferences). I can guarantee that in our 3 day visit, we will need to go back to the grocery store (my favorite place!!!)at least once.

Pro- My grandmother's house is immaculately clean at all times.

Con- Any time that is not spent in meal discussions, planning, preparations, or eating is spent cleaning the house. Take caution while you are eating, because if you remove your eyes from your plate, it may disappear. Forget about your drink. If you don't have your hand on it, it will never be seen again. Don't get too engrossed in any sporting event or television show of any kind, because there is no DVR, and during the climax of the show is always, always, the perfect time to vaccuum. We won't be there on Saturday this time, but, if we were, we would need to be up at 6:00 A.M. in order for the sheets to go into the washing machine. (Apparently, she doesn't put sheets in the dryer. They have to go on the clothesline.) When you finish showering, first, dry off with your towel. Then, you must dry off the walls and doors of the shower, the shampoo and conditioner bottles, and the soap. (Don't you do this at home?....NO. I didn't think so.)

Pro-My grandmother is very wise and knowledgeable about the Bible.

Con- My grandmother will take any and every opportunity to preach a sermon to you. Only usually it does not pertain to you. Be very cautious about asking about how "so and so" is doing. Because you will not only hear how "so and so" is doing, but, you will hear about what they are doing wrong, what they should be doing, why they shouldn't be doing whatever it is that they may or may not be doing, why their lives would be SO much better if_____ and so the story goes. Also, be very cautious about responding to her questions about "so and so", because, well, the same rules apply. (This often makes me wonder what she says about me to others....)

Pro- The overnight stay in my grandmother's guest bed will make me miss my own mattress and I will be sooooooooooo thankful to be back in it. My husband and I hav been discussing a new mattress. Sometimes a view of the "horrible" makes you appreciate the "so-so" just a little bit more.

Con- I seriously, seriously think that my grandmother's mattresses are stuffed with hardened lava. I have never felt a substance harder. She likes a firm mattress. And my back will be screaming!

Pro- My grandmother is very attentive to details. She wants to make sure that you have everything you need, and that everything in her home is in order.

Con- "Attention to detail" is another way of saying "anxiety ridden". She is pretty tense. Which, in turn makes me tense. Things that would be "no big deal" at home are MAJOR at her house. (i.e.- There is no orange juice, and, someone asks for orange juice. She panics over having no orange juice. The person who requested it is perfectly fine with drinking milk or water. But, I can promise you that she is NOT fine with that, and someone will be going to buy some orange juice. After a prolonged and painful discussion. Upon returning with the juice, it is discovered that the person who originally requested the o.j. has long since finished their glass of milk and moved on with their life. At my house, I would say, "Nope. No juice. How about milk?" And life would go on. But the clock will stop until the orange juice has been purchased and stocked in her refrigerator.)

I am looking forward to visiting her, but as with any vacation, I will also be very glad to get home. Absence makes the heart grow fonder!!

Bringing Home the Bacon

2009-06-19T09:49:00.000-07:00

Am I the only woman out there that feels that the man who claims to "bring home the bacon" should actually shop for it? Or at the very least be willing to pick up a gallon of milk on his way home from work? Grocery shopping is perhaps the most menial and abhorrent task that has to be completed. Simply the thought of having to go grocery shopping makes me want to go into a deep depression.

Think about it this way: Grocery shopping is merely the beginning of a lengthy list of chores for the Mama.

But before the shopping can even begin, you have to get the kids ready for the adventure. And inevitably, there will be a dirty diaper just as you are getting into the car. And, goody, it seeped through. To your clothes, too. So you get everyone back out, change your disgusting child, and yourself, and start over. Okay. Seatbelts everybody! Then you hear, " Mommy, I have to go potty! BAAAD!" You put it in park, take the pee-pee queen to the potty, and then back in the car. Finally, you are on your way. Then you remember that you forgot your purse. So...you turn the car around, open the garage, and go back in the house for the third time.

Once you finally arrive at the store, you are already so frustrated from the delay of game(not to mention the kids constant bickering during the ride), that you are in NO mood for there to be no carts. But you wait patiently until one is available. Immediately your kids start begging for foods that are incredibly unhealthy, or simply because they have a picture of SpongeBob on the label. I am convinced I could get my kids to eat broccoli, asparagus, brussell sprouts(insert any food here) if only there was a picture of SpongeBob on the box. You tell the kids they can only pick out one box of cereal, but they can't agree on what, so that turns into a knock down drag out in the middle of the store. I seriously, seriously cannot think of anything more embarrassing than your kids wrestling on the floor of the cereal aisle in a store. KIDDING!!! I am kidding! Ahem. My kids do NOT wrestle in the floor in the cereal aisle...(oh, wait, what do you mean? It isn't Not Me! Monday? Oh, sorry...)

Then comes the cookie isle. The baby begins screaming because she wants an animal cracker NOW! There really is no reasoning with a 1 year old. But at the same time, you can't really open the box up in the store, now can you! The old lady buying vanilla wafers says " Next time dearie, you should plan ahead and pack a snack for the baby." And you are thinking "Next time, I will not bring her! UGH!" Then you look over to see that your older children have just dumped 6 boxes of Oreos into your cart. As you scold them and put the cookies back, you look back over to see that the baby has just ripped a hole in the package of ground beef.

Now flustered beyond your breaking point, you make your way to the checkout counter, hoping against hope that you have secured enough food to make dinners for the week(Even if it is omelettes. Everyday.). You pick the shortest line, only to find that the customer in front of you is writing a check, and needs manager approval. So you wait...........and wait......and wait. Finally it is your turn. "Paper or plastic?" And you are thinking, "I don't give a rat's behind! Paper or plastic! JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE!" But...you calmly reply. And you unload all of your selections onto the conveyor belt. You have a momentary panic attack, because your checkcard is not in your wallet. But you find it down in your purse, next to the happy meal toy and the half eaten lollypop. You pay, and the bag boy helps you out to your car. You make small talk to be polite, but you are screaming obsenities in your mind. You barely save the bread and eggs before the "helpful" bagboy puts the milk on top of them.

Then you make the trip home amongst the fighting. You tell the kids to hush and look out their own windows. Then the tattling begins. "Heeee's looking out my win-doooow." And you have to wonder how she knows that, if she were actually looking out of her window.

You get home, and unload the car. Then you take everything out of the bags, and try to find somewhere to put the food. Which means you are probably cleaning out the refrigerator. And hoping that nothing in there is moldy or rotten.

By the time you get everything situated, it is time to make dinner. So you drag it all back out. And make a mess in the kitchen that you will have to clean. So you see, what should be a very simple errand..... is really only the beginning of an elaborate cluster of chores.

You have to load the groceries into the cart, unload them onto the conveyor belt, reload them into the cart, unload them into the car, unload them out of the car, then out of the bags, and into your cabinets/fridge. If you ask me, that's way too much handling. Then, you have to take said groceries, and actually make something out of them. And, clean up the mess afterward.

If "bringing home the bacon" means that someone else goes to the grocery store, then SIGN ME UP!!! And the next time my husband says he is too tired after work to pick up one measly little item, I am going to give him the list, and have him take all the kids with him. HA!

Tire Swing Kind Of Day

2009-06-18T21:33:00.000-07:00

Lane, Eden, and Ava soaking up some sun!!(It was a sweltering 97 degrees today!!

Enjoying the tire swing that dad made.

Checking out the tadpoles.

What a GREAT DAY!

Fun times! Fed the fish, swang in the tire swing, played in the dirt.

(Side bar: when the kids go to the edge of the pond, the fish swarm the area, and actually face the kids, waiting to be fed. All of them. Or a whole lot of them. Who knew that fish could be trained? I most certainly did not.)

I even got a little laundry done! HA!

Finding My Motivation

2009-06-17T22:04:00.001-07:00

Life has a way of getting monotonous.

Rephrase: we allow our lives to become monotonous.

In the last two weeks, I am ashamed to say I let myself get to this place. I started feeling sorry for myself. I threw myself a pretty good little pity party. The reasons are quite silly. So what if my son broke his arm. I should be thankful that it wasn't worse. And that he is in good health, otherwise, and his arm will heal correctly. So what if we live in a new town and we know no one. I have many wonderful friends. Just because they don't live here doesn't mean that they aren't always just a phone call away. So what if my husband is working 75 hour weeks. I should be absolutely grateful that he has a wonderful new job that is providing financial stability for our family. This was a HUGE answer to prayer. A regular paycheck is not a luxury we have been accustomed to.

How quickly we tend to forget our blessings! Why?

In the last two weeks, I have been pretty pathetic. I have skipped the gym entirely, let the laundry pile up, and let the house go. Every night for the last two weeks, as I went to bed, totally disgusted with myself for my lack of accomplishments in my day, I promised myself that I would get up refreshed and attack my day with all the excitement, thankfulness, and fervor it deserved. I promised myself that I would give my children the attention and excitement that they deserve. Starting tomorrow morning. I have been in a rut. And a funk. (I was wondering today why my older two kids' attitudes had stunk the last few days....I guess I shouldn't point out their speck in their eyes until I remove the plank from mine!)

I came home from church tonight, renewed, refreshed, and ready. My house is clean. YAY! That fact alone makes me excited to get up tomorrow and tackle the day.

My motivation is my family. My husband and my three beautiful children. I lost sight of that these last few weeks. I have been too focused on myself and my problems. I took my focus off of God and the blessing that he has so, so graciously bestowed upon us. I lost sight of the things that really matter. Instead, I allowed myself to get sucked into things that are trivial. And most importantly, I allowed Satan to steal my joy!

I think we get sooo tied up in the day in, day out, that we lose our purpose. And our purpose is serving our families. In whatever capacity is needed. And if they need clean underwear, we are serving them through doing the laundry.

Side note: I really think I have found that GREAT church we have been looking for!!!! Really, really, really excited about that!

My hubby just got home from his ridiculously long day! Yay! He worked almost 17 hours today.

We Are The Champions

2009-06-16T17:27:00.000-07:00

Ava, ever the diva, gave the performance of her lifetime today. This song, for reasons totally unknown to me, happens to be in her top 5. It accompanies "Let's Go Fly a Kite", the theme song of Sponge Bob, "All the Single Ladies"(I tried to film this, but she was too busy dancing to really sing, and the video came out blurry), and "When We Give" by Mark Schultz. For a three year old, she has very diverse taste. She never fails to keep us laughing. As I have mentioned before, she is quite the entertainer. And she knows how to use it. And this is a very, very bad thing. For me. For her, well, she probably thinks it is working out quite nicely.

Not Me! Monday

2009-06-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

Last Monday, when Lane realized the full extent of his injury, and continually expressed the sentiment, "my summer is ruined", over and over, I did NOT silently agree, that " Yes, Your summer is ruined, MY summer is ruined, Everyone's summer is ruined!!!". I did NOT see my summer-sitting-poolside flash before my very eyes. I would never be that selfish!

I most certainly did NOT proceed to take place in a pity party, in the form of totally boycotting the laundry. And then I absolutely did NOT wash only my husband's clothes, in the hopes that maybe he wouldn't notice the mountain of laundry that had sprouted. I also did NOT have to wash the same load of clothes three times because I was either too forgetful or too lazy to put them into the dryer.

I would NEVER make my kids wait until 2:00 pm to eat lunch, so that we could go to Sonic and get half-priced drinks.

When Lane and his broken arm came tumbling down the stairs, I did NOT THINK every four letter word I have ever heard.

I did NOT eat Kit Kats and drink Diet Coke for breakfast today.

I did NOT justify staying home from the gym this morning because I really needed to stay home and do the laundry, only to spend the majority of the morning on the computer.

When Ava was misbehaving in public, I did NOT whisper in her ear that I was going to spank her butt, to which she did NOT reply (in a volume designated for movie theater sound commercials) "Don't spank my butt! Kiss My face!!(pause) IIIIIIII HAAAAAAPPPPPPPPYYYY!!!". I did NOT start laughing uncontrollably. I do NOT consistently have problems disciplining this child because she does NOT always know how to make me laugh.

This has been Not Me! Monday, courtesy of MckMama.

The Horror!!

2009-06-14T16:20:00.001-07:00

Last night, while tucking my girls into bed, we made quite a grim discovery. We pulled back the sheets of Eden's bed, and there were 2 ants. As you can imagine, she immediately went into hysterics, which immediately sent Ava into hysterics. Two little girls-totally FREAKING OUT!

I noticed that there were a few more ants around the edge of the mattress....Soooooooooooooooo I lifted it up. And right there on the boxspring were hundreds of ANTS!!!!!!!!!!

And, of course, I was then in hysterics! Three girls, totally FREAKING OUT!! I mean, seriously....wouldn't you be more than a little freaked out that there seems to be a colony of ants that has moved into your child's bed?

Have I mentioned that these were FIREANTS????

I went a little over the top with the ant spray. Because while I was in hysterics, BJ told me to. And even after the fact, how else do you get rid of hundreds of ants? They were all dead this morning. (The girls slept in the full size bed in the guest room. Which is across the hall from my bedroom. And when I say "slept", what I really mean, is "giggled uncontrollably for hours while mom and dad kept yelling at them to hush up and go to sleep."

And now I am afraid to put her back in her bed. Even though I only sprayed the boxspring. And the package says that the ant spray is perfectly safe for pets and humans after it is dry. Sooo...I don't know. What do you think?

FYI: I am definitely, without a doubt, calling a pest control expert tomorrow!

The Perfect Church....

2009-06-13T23:04:00.000-07:00

...will only become reality when Jesus comes to call us home.

But, while I am here on this earth, I am in need of a GREAT church to call home. We have just moved to a new area, and I am finding this task to be daunting. We are anxious to get involved in a church, but none that we have visited have been a good fit.

I wish there was a way to take bits and pieces of each and mesh them into one. Ha!

But, why is it SOOOO difficult to find a friendly church, with fabulous music, sound Biblical preaching, and dynamic kid's programs?!

The first we visited had GREAT MUSIC( a famous Christian recording artist is the worship leader). The preaching was Biblical. They had a lot going on for the kids. But the people were cold and unfriendly. My 7 year old daughter tried to sit by a few girls, and they moved away from her. And something else was missing. It was just stark.

The next church was friendly and outgoing. I don't think they had seen a visitor in awhile! They were very excited to see us. But the music was AWFUL. I don't really even know if you could call it a joyful noise, as no one was singing audibly. And the preaching was more of a psychology lesson. And it just didn't "feel right" either.

I know we have only visited two churches. And I have no idea why I find this to be so intimidating. I guess we spent so much time in a church that we knew was dying, that I am just so, so ready to be in a GREAT church.

So, our quest continues tomorrow. I am trying not to get discouraged.

Oh, and I just found out my husband got called in to work tomorrow. Sooooooooooo...I guess the kids and I will brave it alone.

A Shoe in the Road

2009-06-12T17:43:00.000-07:00

I am positively baffled by the single shoe in the road phenomenom that seems to be plagueing our streets!! Where do they come from? How does this happen? Why is it always the singular shoe? At what point does someone realize that one of their shoes are missing? At that point, do they hold search parties in the street? How do you lose a single shoe while traveling down the road??

Is it thrown in anger? If so, why your shoe?!!

Is it dropped accidentally? If so, why was your shoe off your foot, and hanging out the window?

I really can’t come up with another scenario for this. Maybe it blew out of the back of a truck. But really, I don’t think there are enough people transporting shoe collections in the back of pickups to account for the volume of singular shoes found out on the roadways.

Possibly, I can see that a child could throw a shoe out the window, unbeknownst to the parents. Possibly. My kid will be very, very sorry if that day were to come to pass. They would forever forward be know as "one shoe". That remaining shoe would be their last. (j/k all you do good liberals that take everything literally!)

Besides, the majority of these sightings are shoes that belong to adults. Or the children of the jolly green giant.

I do not typically see many things in the middle of the road. Yes, okay, there is the occasional escaped plastic bag, but I can justify this in my mind. They are disposable items, that catch wind easily. Other than these two items, I can’t think of another item that is sighted so frequently littering the highways and biways!

But shoes??? Come on. There is an abundance of shoes. I believe that in any driving experience, I spot at least one shoe in the street. Just today, I traveled about 1 mile, and I saw a shoe in an intersection. Surely, I am not the only one perplexed by this mystery. I would love to hear other people’s opinions as to where so many of these come from.

The Boy is Getting a Little Ripe...

2009-06-11T14:08:00.000-07:00

..........soooooooooooo it is time for the much dreaded bath. Which is no easy job, since his arm is cast up to his armpit. And have I mentioned that this boy is painfully modest. Public nakedness(meaning with an audience of ANY kind) could be considered to be the most severe form of torture that Lane could endure. But, it MUST BE DONE.

So, I broached the topic carefully. I said, "Lane, I have some bad news. We have to get a bath today. Do you know what that means?"

He said(in a VERY PAINED voice), " You have to take a bath with me?"

I replied(as I stifled a million giggles), "No, but I do have to give you a bath so we make sure to keep your arm dry."

His reply? "That's JUST as BAD!"

Oh, contrere, buddy. Oh, contrere!

Poor guy! He is having a rough week. But I sincerely believe that a bath with his mother would be much, MUCH worse.

How Do You Help Someone Who Won't Help Themselves?

2009-06-10T23:04:00.000-07:00

I believe that there is a fine line between the "tough love" and the "tough luck" sentiments. Tonight, I am truly struggling with where that line should be drawn. I feel that there comes a time where a person, either mentally, or physically, or financially, has found themselves in such a deep, dark pit, that no matter how hard they try, it has become impossible for them to right themselves. Am I supposed to offer help? Insist they get help? Make sure that they get help? Or simply stand back and watch them struggle?

Is it really for me to judge whether or not they are, indeed, "helping themselves"? I can never really know their intentions, anyway. Any estimations on my part could only be considered judgement. The only actions, or intentions, that I have ANY CONTROL over, are my own.

Which brings me back to this question? What am I supposed to do? Everyone else has written this person off.

I think my answer is here:

Matthew 25:35-40

for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’ “Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’

Jesus didn't say to help someone, but only after you have questioned their motivation and their ambitions for helping themselves.

So, if indeed, I were to help this people who repeatedly choose not to help themselves, is that then considered enabling?

What if this person is incapable of handling their own problems? What kind of a person does this make me, that I would stand by and watch this person spiral deeper and deeper into their own deep, dark pit of despair? I am, after all, only accountable for my actions.

So, what would Jesus do?(I know, terribly cliche. But applicable, nonetheless.)

Boy Meets Board

2009-06-10T22:22:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, in a land known as the deep south, a boy named Lane was born. As Lane grew into a toddler, it became clear that he was, in fact, a wanderer. (This is a character trait that I would not wish upon the child of ANYONE, as this has been known to cause SEVERE PANIC ATTACKS in young mothers.) His wandering ways caused his mother to become extremely cautious(or overprotective, according to some). She even resorted to "leashing" her child in crowded places; this was a practice she always swore she would never use on a child. It took many years for this young mother to loosen up.

And then Boy Met Board. Skateboard, that is. And the board met a hill. Lane was perfectly content to ride his board down the hill on his behind. But Lane's father insisted that he try it standing up. Dad{who learned to skateboard at the age of 26 (another hilarious tale for another time) with some kids from the youth group at church} performed a demonstration, and then Lane proceeded down the hill. And Lane's arm met the ground.

(And now for the FUNNY PART!!) The overprotective mother was cool, calm and collected. The you-should-really-loosen-up-and-let-the-boy-be-a-boy father was in hysterics. Dad ran into the house screaming. "MEGHAN!! MEGHAN!! LANE BROKE HIS ARM!! WE GOTTA GO!! NOW!" ( It really loses some of its effect in writing.)

Mom calmly got some ice. We loaded into the car. Dad floors it out of the driveway. Mom had to tell Dad to slow down. His panic wasn't helping. Lane's sisters were so entranced by their father's demeanor that neither of them spoke for the entire drive.

Upon arriving at the hospital, Mom held poor Lane's mangled arm as they made their way inside, while Dad parked the car. As soon as the triage nurse saw Lane's arm, he was taken back to a trauma room ( despite a waiting room FULL of people). Dad and the girls waited in the waiting room, while Mom and Lane met with the doctors. After Lane was prepped for "surgery"( the hospital referred to his closed procedure as surgery), a nurse escorted Mom to update Dad of the situation. The look on Dad's face when he heard the words "put to sleep under general anesthesia" and "taking him back to surgery now" was PRICELESS!! (Well....maybe not quite priceless. After all, Lane did suffer a broken arm, and I am sure the hospital bill is going to be outrageous.)

A Blog is Born

2009-06-10T10:35:00.000-07:00

Since I don't spend enough time on the internet, I have decided to start a blog.(This blog is a safe haven for sarcasm. You have been warned!) We have just moved to a new area, and haven't met many people yet. The kids and I planned to spend the summer at the community pool; but, we had a HUGE WRENCH thrown into our plans this weekend when our son, Lane, fell off of his skateboard and broke his arm. So, no more pool for us (*sigh*). Thus, out of a tremendous amount of time spent sitting around reading other people's blogs, I have decided to start my own. And any suggestions for fun summer activities that don't require the use of two hands or that do not include masses(or even droplets) of water would be greatly appreciated!!